Mandy

Breakfast Prospective

2008-08-26T09:26:00.000-07:00

I was reading a friends blogspot yesterday and found that her blogging triggers some stuff. Maybe it's the hormones or the lack of sleep. But I had a moment. Let me explain briefly, she had a letter written to her from God. Then a list of 30 things as she approaches her 30th birthday. While reading it I realized first how different I am from many of my friends. That is not necessarily a bad thing. Just that my life took a different path, yet hers & mine crossed. Many of my friends who are near and dear are single. I often feel I live vicarious through them, especially when they take trips. I love to hear their stories. Yet, at the same time, they long for what I have. A family. I am not saying I would trade Emily for a 2 week kid free cruise or anything. (Even on those days.) But honestly, while reading her posts, I realized that I am right where God wants me to be. It brought in to light how precious breakfast in the morning. Sure it is a hassle, everyone wants something different. Clean up is a must and my food always tastes better then everyone Else's. So I have to share. If it is a hot meal, I don't get to it until it is cold and if it is cold, I get to eat when it is room temperature. But in the grand picture, it does not matter. How long do I have left before toasting frozen waffles or making a bowl of cereal is not super hero work? Years, weeks, days?? I mean serving the kids breakfast I get a round of applause and a big thank you mama. Soon enough, what I serve will get complaints or worst yet, they will make their own breakfast and I'll miss sitting with them every morning. Does that make any sense?
My friends list & letter was great. I called her that morning and thanked her for sharing, as I felt that a comment or email was too impersonal. When the only communication we maintain is via computer or texting....I feel I just needed to hear her voice. So I could hear her smile.
So, yeah...it may not seem like a life changing thing, but a new prospective on breakfast for this mom was much need.

Starting School and thinking

2008-08-18T08:37:00.000-07:00

Today we let go and let T start Kindergarten at public school. Not that public school is bad, it's just he is so innocent. And yes, we do try to keep him away from the general population. As a parent you just want to keep them safe and away from harm. Not that public school is bad, it's just when Papa is a public school teacher, you tend to be maybe more conservative then others. So T gets up, eats breakfast, get dressed is ready to go in like 15 minutes. Papa takes him to school and T informs Papa, that he can just drop him off and he knows where to go. They grow up so fast. Next thing he'll be asking us to drop him off at the movies 2 blocks away. I don't even want to think about him not wanting to give us a good night or good bye hug & kiss.
T informed H & E that he had school this morning and that not to worry, he'll be back. He also told them not to cry as H was fussing in the crib. Nothing to do with him. But we did not want to break his heart. The girls might not miss him, but I know I do. It is awful quite without him.
Seems that everyone is having babies and it is starting to make me more excited to meet baby #4. I have less then a month, I think and then he'll make a grand entrance like all the others.
And if you are thinking of asking us if we're done......please don't. Keep your thoughts to your self. Please. If God chooses to bless us again, great~if not then okay too. However, we kind of have a time frame....we'll be done when I am 35. That seems like a good cut off point for us.

it's been 6 months!

2008-05-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

Life sure keeps me busy. It has been 6 months since I last did any blogging. Maybe cause I think it does not matter, or I really don't want to sound like a whiner. What ever the case-the kiddos are growing. T is finishing up Pre-K and can't wait for Kindergarten. He really likes school and loves playing with his friend. He is excited for Sept. because he is going to be a big brother again. He tells every one-every where we go "we're going to have a new baby, it's a boy!" Well, T the baby part is true, but the little brother part is yet to be known. I hope he does not get too disappointed if it's a girl. I am planning to take him to my next few appointments, May 17 & 22. Maybe we'll know something at the 22nd....
E is 3 and is a big girl. She is a lot like her Papa. She wants to go to school, but I think we'll wait until she is 4. She is getting tall and thin. Still walks on the tippy toes! H is 1 year and 4 months. She tries to hang out and do what everyone else is doing. She my little ball of love.
We did the Angel Baby walk this past Saturday. I think I cried for the first mile. And it took the second mile to pull myself together. This walk is a fundraiser for Hinds Hospice-the Angel Baby is the babies who pasted away.....they have a web site. It's a good thing. Well, I walked it first-last year for the babies I lost in March 2006. It was not so bad-as I held Hannah the whole time and she was 3 months old. This time I walked with Keith, as T & E could walk themselves and H was pushed by Grandma. It was hard because I have an Angel Baby inside me......In Feb. we saw 2 heart beats. By the end of March only one heart was beating and the other was lifeless inside me. We had been going every week and every week we saw the baby moving and kicking and the other just there. It sucks. It is hard and it makes every appointment a dreaded task. We are now at the point when we going monthly. May is my first monthly appointment. I pray there will be no more disappointment. My heart has broken twice....I don't think I can do it again. I know that I am blessed with 3 wonderful kids and loving husband, however, something inside you just aches all the time and it never really goes away.
It hard to talk about it and harder to talk to people who are going to have twins about the same time I am due. But I did tell her. Not to bring the mood down, but just as an update, as she is the only one I did not tell. Not like we are close or ever have been. But I just felt the need.
May I suggest that when someone has a heart break, speaking for myself, don't tell me that God has a plan. I already know this. I am not being rude, but honest. I know He has a plan....just say that sucks and that you'll keep us in your prayers.
Maybe I am being a jerk, but having gone through it twice now, I have learn people can say some pretty dumb things. Sometime just a hug is enough and words are not a must.
Now that I have vented, I feel a little better. I am happy for others, really I am. I just have to grieve in my own way and it is my right to take as long as I need. No one can tell me when I could/should feel better. Enough said!
Work is busy. Thanks Bush and the stimulus plan.
Keith is again out of work come the next school year. It is better, Kerman sucks and it is a far drive. With gas prices and what we pay a sitter, I am should he will find something closer. He has too. God WILL PROVIDE!
Other than that, my house is a mess, like always. WE are getting thing together for T's 5 birthday party on the 26th. Seems like we are always on the go. One weekend I want to stay in my jammies all day Saturday and put them back on after church on Sunday. I can dream, can't I??

it has been a very long time

2007-11-22T19:30:00.001-08:00

It have been a long time....Happy Thanksgiving! I have so much to be thankful for. A little has change. Work work-Keith is out at Kerman middle school. Thomas is in Pre-school and reminds me every day he is ready for kindergarten. Emily is still in the process of letting go of Binky and potty training has not caught on. Hannah is 9 1/2 months old. And still a great baby. Walter is well in his group home. Kevin is no long in our home. We have set rules and he continues to break them. He has put my family in a sort of danger. He ran away for the last time and we ask other family to step up and take over. They have. He is a sad little boy who needs help. We did what we thought was best. Now we have to let go and let God. He has to make the decisions; he is of age, 14, we cannot live our lives around him. We did what was best for our family. Looking forward to repairing and moving on. Christmas is around the corner. We are looking forward to the future & what God has planned.

Short-family update

2007-07-16T16:51:00.000-07:00

Camping was a blast. The kidds were covering in dirt from head to toe. E refused to wear shoes and sap covered her feet and protected, for the most, from mos splinters. At one point non Saturday, when Keith took the boys fishing, we filled a large bucket with water and baby shampoo gave her a sponge to 'play' with. She went to town and a few hours later most of the dirt and sap was gone. T had fun fishing and on the boat. He liked it the most when grandma drove, 'cause she drived fast.' We think Kevin had fun. We asked and got the teenager response of a nod. We truly had a great time with grandma and Auntie. I laughed so hard that weekend. It was great. I laugh just thinking about it. It feels good.
H is growing she is just under 15 lbs. She got a little something when we got back and the worst is over. She is almost all better. Still a happy, good, sweet girl.
Turning 32 did not hurt, yet. Not like I feel any different. No grey hair, yet. I guess aging is not so hard. Acting my age is a whole other story.
Leaving the kids to go to work is hard. They are so fun and they make me laugh. However, could do without E striping down to her birthday suit every 20 minutes.
Some one asked what AUR is it is Automated Under Reporting-in English it is document matching. Matching what is on the return with what is in our system. Not exactly fun & exciting, but it pays the bills.
Keith told me this weekend he does want another kid, I asked him with who?? I asked him to give me a little more time. I don't think I have adjusted yet to the new normal imposed by baby #3. Also the fear of having an another industrious E. I don't think we could hang.
Nothing yet on Keith J O B. Still waiting and praying. I know God will provide something soon. He promised. Take care!

JULY!

2007-07-06T00:22:00.000-07:00

This month I will be celebrating the 3rd anniversary of my 29th birthday. I am okay with this. If I had to say if it was good, bad or ugly, I would would honesty answer as good. Without the bad I would have nothing to compare it to and without the ugly, I would have missed out on all the glorious things that God has brought me through. He has and continues to bring me through and provide me with blessing after blessing.
Maybe one day I will find time to write it down so that my kids could read it as adults as see how Great God is and how wonderful He makes life. Maybe I'll right it for myself. Maybe.
I struggle with finding time for myself and when I do I feel guilty. I think of all the thing I could & should be doing. I hope to find that balance soon.
The kiddos:
T is good and is all boy. He looks like a boy and reminds me daily that he is not a baby any more. At church camp he wanted to play catch with Kevin, but he would not let him. So I told T to tell him that he throws like a girl. T turns to me mortified, "you can't throw girls mama, you'll get in trouble."
E is a handful. She'll be a dancer one day. I have no doubt that she'll be a star. She loves putting on show with singing & dancing. She even stops to clap and laugh at herself.
H is great. Still the best baby I ever had. She likes being a baby. She is such a chunk. Her legs are so big I can't get my fingers to touch. He little arms have rolls that have rolls. Her checks are so squeezable.
I love being a mom and wife. It's the best job I ever signed up for. It is also the hardest. But I love it.
Kevin is okay. It is summer and he is hanging in there. Not much to report, which is a blessing.
Keith is still on the hunt for the J O B, but I know that God is in control and has the perfect job for him. He has had an offer, but nothing official.
We are going on a family camping trip tomorrow. This is all the kids first family camp. My mom and sister are going to join us too. I hope it is good and we can do it more often. We are also going to plan a Yosemite trip in the fall to. I am glad to see my family more often. I like spending time with them. It is also great for the kids. Even if it is only weekends.
I think that I might be over the overwhelmed post-partum feelings. I have stopped taking the 'Happy' pills. I think that we are going to pray about another baby. Maybe not now, but in the future. So we are working on getting healthy. We're taking baby steps toward a life style change and so far so good. It will take time as all good things do.
Take care.

Half way through the year already!

2007-06-13T00:45:00.000-07:00

I can believe how time goes by fast. We are already in June. T is done with Pre-School for the year. He was pretty broke up about school being over. So we are counting down for it to start again. E is getting so girlie. I have no idea where she gets it. It's like she is hard wired for pink and girl stuff. However, she knows how to make truck noises with the best of them. H is still the perfect baby. She makes it so easy. She still sleeps through the night and is still lazy. She likes the baby thing. Makes me think about another, why not, I have 3, whats one more!!LOL!!
Keith is done with school today. He's still looking for next school year. He has summer school to tie him over for now.
Kevin finished the 8th grade today. He has a plan for high school-work hard and get it done fast! Good plan. We got him a Fossil watch for a gift. Thought it would be a good start for high school.
I am good. Work, well, I am here now. Bord to death in AUR. I often doze off. Maybe I should see a DR? I read a book this weekend, the first in a long time. The Road. I cried the last two pages. This is pretty good. I also am reading Dancing in the Arms of God.
I am going to confess, so please...confidence, as much as posting it on a blog will get me. Anyways, I am struggle with thing. 1-I know God has the perfect job for Keith. I know He will provide. I KNOW! But I often doubt and play the 'what if' game. I guess I am scared that if I trust Him completely, I'll be let down. I struggle with this and I am having a hard time over coming it. 2-I am struggling with my self-image. How I see myself, how Keith & the kids see me, how the world see me. Since getting pregnant the first time I have gained about 75 pounds. From October of 2002, my lowest weight since like 8th grade to now. I think it happen mostly at work, I can't seem to keep things (food) out of my mouth and gum doesn't seem to work. 3-I am feeling disconnected from my church family. We just don't seem to be a family any more. It's like we are too consumed with life. I know we need the support and interaction with them. I know they do too, you can see it on their faces. That tired look parents get from not getting a break from parenting. 4-I am struggling with my closeness. I often feel so far from God. I find myself doing the arrow prayer thing, you know, shooting up prayers throughout the day. I just don't feel like our life is reflecting His love to the world. What have I done to serve Him lately? Have I showed His love today?? That kind of stuff. I feel distant. 5-I miss my husband! I can't even tell you the last time he held me. Or the last time we just laid in bed and talked about stuff. Or ever the last time we just talked about us, not the kids or cars or money, but us. Who we are, who Keith is and who Mandy is. It is almost like we take each other for granted. After 10 years we hardly have time for us. I hope that it can only get better. I miss him, I miss his touch. At this rate a #4 is impossible. 6-Finally, my family. I think it is official. I am he only sane one left. Good for me. I think.
It is late and I have to go home now. Take care!

it's been a long time

2007-05-18T00:47:00.000-07:00

So if any body is checking, it has been a long time. I have not updated since Hannah's birth. Now she is 3 months old. So I will cut to the points:
T is good. He is in pre-school and loves it. So cute in his uniform. He can spell his name.
E is good. She is still E. Love that girl. TROUBLE is her name.
H is a greate baby. She sleeps, easts and poops. That is it. She smiles and giggles and is a GREAT sleeper. She makes me what to have another, but I know better.
Keith is looking for work again. He is a TEMP so he is looking.
I went back to work after 6 wonderful weeks. Work is good. I am a TEMP manager and I love it. Dreading going back to AUR. At least it is a check.
God has blessed us with 3 wonderful, perfectly healthy babies! There is a little part of me who wants another. I wonder if that feeling ever goes away. I love being prego and having that baby grow inside me. It s great feeling. And Hannah is so good. She likes being the baby. Thomas "I likes having baby Hannah out of your tummy, mama." Emily: "baby Hannah! shshsh, no crying!"
I love my family. I love being a mom. No matter how tired I am, they love me & I love them. Keith is a great papa. The kids love him and I love to watch them play with him. It is a turn on.
Well, I better get back to work, before I go on and on about being turned on. It's been a while, can you tell? Take Care!

Welcome Hannah Grace

2007-02-11T18:08:00.000-08:00

February 7, 2007@ 2:31pm Hannah Grace entered the world. 8lbs 6oz & 19 in long. She is a quite baby. Not a big crier. Thomas is a great big brother and lets us know if she needs something. He is always asking where she is and what she's doing. Emily likes to give her little sister kisses and like to hold her on her lap. Papa is a proud, proud to have another perfect baby.
Mama is tired, but good. Ventured out today to go to church. It was a good day, we installed our new pastor. One more day, then Papa goes back to work and Mama will be on her own.......Tuesday looks like a jammie day in our house.

Getting closer

2007-02-02T16:22:00.000-08:00

Well, I am still working. Waiting to see if baby will come on her own.
Tonight is a full moon, and many co-workers think that the full moon and the moons gravitational pull will assist the baby coming before the 7th. Others think it will happen super bowl Sunday before the 4th quarter and the Dr. will arrive with beer on his breath. HAHA!
I think they are crazy. Baby will come when she is ready, if not we'll force her out on the 7th.
T told me the other day that he wants the baby out so he could better sit on my lap. I asked if if he is happy to have another baby and he said "yes, I want to meet my new baby Hannah. Just like Emily" I am sure that E will need lots of love and hugs when baby comes home. She likes babies, so I hope she'll be nice. She gets a little mean with T. She hits him with stuffed animals and pulls his hair. T just cries and pushes her away. We have been working with her and her attitude. I read the Strong Willed Child from Dobson, and have tried all the suggestions, it just so hard with her. She is a baby, okay she's 2 now, so toddler. But I think some days she 13!! For example on her birthday, Wednesday the 30th, I made her a bowl of cereal. She had a fit because it was the wrong kind. Okay, I made her another bowl. After I dressed her. She did not like what I put on her and before I could run down the hall after her, she was naked! So we compromised and she picked out what to wear, which ended up being the outfit I had already put on her. At the DR appointment yesterday, he ask if she listens. Sure, she hears I told him, but we are working on the listening part. He laughed. He checked her movement and reflexes and she told him "Let go of me!" Totally embarrassed, he laughed and told me I have a job ahead of me. I am glad to see that she does not act that way just for me, but it is just who she is. Since the day she was born, she was independent. The day I had her, I told them that she was coming out and they told me not to push! I was not pushing and sure enough, she came into the word screaming, if I could translate her screams, she was saying "let go of me, I do it!"
She does have a tender and soft side to her. When she wants to cuddle, that is all she wants. I do enjoy that time with her. She's all girl that is for sure. All she wants to wear is her black shiny shoes. She calls them her 'pretty shoes.' Well, I better get back to work.
I'll keep you posted........

DATE!

2007-01-24T19:29:00.000-08:00

Went to Dr's today. Things are good. If baby does not come on her own before the 7th of February, we will be at the hospital at 6:30 am to be induced. Other than that, that's all I got.
Take care!

Growing

2007-01-17T00:01:00.000-08:00

Went and had an ultra sound today. Well, let me start off with the start of my day.
Keith did not want to wake up, after much nagging, he was on time for work. T&E are sleeping in their our beds, for the most part. T crawled in after Keith got into the shower, I think. He woke me up telling me it's breakfast time because the sun is up. I tried to reason with him and it worked. He went back to sleep for another hour. Got everybody ready to go pick up the sitter so I could go to the ultra sound appt. Low and behold the Right front tire is FLAT! I called the roadside number. They got someone out and sitter got a ride. Got the van ready to go and did NOT miss the appt. Not even late, PTL. Oh, and I did not cry!! So I go the appt. And wait and wait. And wait some more. Did I mention that I had to drink 32oz of water and not pee. That is almost impossible at 34 weeks. SO I gently remind the lady I have an appt. and if I don't get seen soon, I'll burst. So they get me in and I wait some more. Finally I get in to the room and I gently remind the lady I have to PEE and if she could please get the measurements she needs kind of fast. So she does, PTL. Finally, I get to pee. The 2nd best feeling in the world. What is the 1st, well, get your mind out of the gutter, the first is holding your newborn for the first time. Well, the point here is that peeing is good and that baby is big. With all the numbers and measuring they did, baby is about 7lbs 6oz. She has bid feet, 5.59 cm. Everything seems to be where it should be and well, God is good and we are all fine. So I go see Dr. next week, the 24th, I think. More news to follow.

2007 Already?

2007-01-10T00:42:00.000-08:00

It has been awhile. Not much happened. Christmas was nice. Seeing family was nice. Seeing the baby in my tummy grow is nice, but I feel like a blimp. Someone asked me today if I was have twins. Nice, I know I am a big girl, but twins??
I have chosen to take it as a compliment, like, oh wow, your pregnant, comment.
I go to DR in the AM, I am going every 2 weeks now. Keith is starting class #2. T & E are growing and changing. Watch your mail for a pic. If you don't get one, then email me your address.
I have chosen this year, as did Keith, to not make a resolution, but a "to do list", we figure if we blow it, we can just put it back on the list of things to do. Some things on the list include, (most everyone's #1) loose weight. Once I get this baby out of me, I have set a goal to go back to the BC weight and then I will make another goal. (BC=Before Children)
I saw Oprah Windbag the other night and some Dr said that if a over weight man lost 35lbs he would gain an inch some where else. So I, being a good wife, shared this important info with hubby. Who has lost 5lbs in the first week. Not that size matters, for gosh sakes, were are on baby #3. (Which means soon we will have 3 under 4 soon.) Anyways...
Other stuff on the list include taking pics and sending them out more often. Better up keep on the house and working on debt. For me personally, working on my words, I often say things I should not and trying to keep my cool and not lose my cool so often. So far, I have made the same to do list every day...point is I am trying. Well, time is up and I must go. Take care!

'Tis the Season?'

2006-12-06T19:07:00.000-08:00

As Christmas approach I, and I think most parents, struggle against the world to instill in my children what the REAL meaning of CHRISTmas is. E is too young to argue with me about what it means, but she is not to young for me to teach her about Jesus. I have been telling her that is Jesus' Birthday, so she sings 'Happy Birthday'(her own version)when she see Christmas trees or when we turn the lights on ours. Kevin & Walter understand that Santa is a mythical guy who was long long ago, but to them it's about getting stuff. We are going to take them shopping this year and have them pick out toys to donate. We want them to see how fun it is to give. T, my sweet, sweet boy. He understands that Christmas is coming, he told me about Santa, way before I could tell him. He sees the decor and calls it Christmas cheer. Every time we leave the house he tells me that the Grinch is going to take our tree and Christmas cheer. When asked what he wants for dinner, he tells us he wants a 'feast with roast beast.' Yes, I know, no more Grinch movie for him. But you have to admit that a 'feast with roast beast' is cute. As I do with E I have been reminding T that Christmas is not just about Christmas cheer, but the real reason is that it is Jesus Birthday. I wonder if it is just his age, but he seems fixated on the worlds view of this season and no matter what I say, it just seems to go in one ear and out the other. So with this struggle this season, we are doing things different. We are going to make thing more symbolic than we have in the past. Hopefully it will change every one in the families view of the real meaning of Christmas. We are doing 3 gifts a kid. (the 3 wise men) We are going to bake a cake for Jesus' Birthday and sing to him. We are toning down the family visiting. With having contractions now, we feel it is best that we stay close to home. Traveling is such a burden on not only us (as parents) but on the little ones as well. Sleeping, visiting, special food, and not being at home really affects them and it takes about a week to get back into the swing of things. Not to mention how grumpy I get with all the comments about how we discipline our children. So, I guess our goal is to teach the kids that it is not about them at Christmas time. But it is about the birth of our Lord and Savior. That God loved us so much He allowed His son to come to this wicked earth as a helpless baby and go through the entire human process of growing. Just to prove to us that He loves us so much He is willing to allow His Son to die for us as ungrateful and undeserving as we are. He still loves us. I pray that I can raise my children to believe and have faith and be God Loving and fearing productive members of this world. It all starts with what we as parents show our kids. How we live our live for the King and not for ourselves. I will fail and it might even be several times a day, but I will try and do the best that I can do. So one say I might hear 'Well done, my good and faithful servant.'

Baby, baby & baby!

2006-11-16T18:19:00.000-08:00

Baby #1
My, how fast they grow. T is baby #1 and he is a big boy. He even tells me he is a big boy. He wants to go to school on a bus and everything. But he will always be my baby boy.
T still has that armpit thing. Only now, he is a big boy and will touch my arm pit, telling me he is doing so, then smell his hand. Now, I know what your thinking, how gross. And yes, I agree, however, remember he is my baby. And he tells me that 'mama's armpits smell good.' I ask him what do they smell like and he tells me 'cake!' I am flattered and grossed out all at the same time. I ask him what his armpits smell like and he tells me 'frosting!' When you ask about papa's armpits he tells you 'gross!' Maybe I am the only one who thinks this is hilarious, but really you have to laugh. Soon enough his is going to be bringing home bugs and frogs. And I will not find them until after I have taken his clothes out of the dryer.
We have been telling T that Santa won't take him to Costco if he doesn't sleep in his big boy bed. I never had any intention of introducing my kids to the concept of Santa, but rather T told me Santa brings presents and T wants things from Costco, hence, Santa taking him to Costco. I would like to thank Tom Hanks and the makers of the Polar Express, the Grinch who stole X-mas, for introducing the idea of Santa into my world. In 5 years I will blog about T coming home from school in such a sad state because little bully butthead told him that Santa is a fake.
Baby #2
E is growing in to the little girl with a passion to drive her mama & papa NUTS! She has so much energy, it is totally insane. Her new thing is screaming with pleasure. Like when she gets a treat or here big brother is blowing bubbles. It is a loud, high pitch, cringing type of scream.
She has a good vocabulary going on. Lots of things to say, however we don't always understand or we have to explain that cookies are not a breakfast food.
E loves her big brother. She likes to sit on him, pull his hair, play ring-around-the roses with him and give him big hugs.
E has some sort of internal devise that does not allow her to sleep in her our bed. If you even try, she wakes up. Boy is she in for a surprise when we bring her baby sister home from the hospital. However, she does love babies. She even loves her dolls & stuffed animals. Although they are often times found naked. For some reason she likes to take off their clothes. As she likes to take off her own!! She tries to take off her clothes when we go to the store and look at clothes. She starts pulling things off and pointing yelling 'pretty, pretty.'
E also has no fear. No fear of falling, of jumping and she is a rough houser. Totally not like her brother. She through caution into to wind. Even when she bumps her head or gets hurt, she cries just long enough to get hugs & love and then she is off. I never thought that I would be a mama of a girl, and now to think I am going to have two!!
Baby #3
Well, we are almost at 6 1/2 months. Time is sure flying by. February will be here sooner than I want it to. Not that I am not ready to meet this blessing, it just that I wonder if we are ready for #3. She will make us parents of 3 kids under 4. I know we will be just fine. I just hope that we can be the best parents to all 3 of our babies. All the while not letting Kevin & Walter, (mostly Kevin) take us away from them and stressing them out because of the drama he likes to bring.
Baby 3 is a mover that is for sure. Lots of kicks and she moves a ton. She also like Mexican food. Spicy is good!! I think that T will have his work cut out for him having two sisters.
I guess I have rattled on for long enough.......

Is the streaking over??

2006-11-06T20:48:00.000-08:00

Looks like E is past the nude & streaking phase. Oh, and the duct tape, only worked for like a day. After my last post she figured out how to get the tape off. Thus the diaper went with it. Papa tried a onies. Does not work. E pulls the diaper off and has the onies still on. Papa pined her top to her pants. Still E found a way to pull that stinkin' diaper off. Papa put 'big girl' undies on her. E tells us that they are pretty. And she finally stops pulling the diaper off.
T went to Disneyland with his Auntie Carrie, my sister, this last Saturday. He had a great time. Carrie will hopefully send me the pics soon. Or they will be on her myspace page. T had a GREAT time and wants to go back. He got to see Mickey, Goofy and Minnie, who he kissed on the nose much to everyone's surprise. But the highlight for T was the princesses. He really likes the princesses. Cinderella, Snow White, Pocahontas. Who he loving calls 'Pocapotas'. He has never seen the movie that I know of and yet he loves this princess. So T gets in line with Auntie and she notes that he is like the only boy in line. T got great pics with the princesses, 'Pocapotas' & Snow White. He went right up to them and talked to them and even asked them to sit with him. Auntie noted this is not part of the princess thing to sit. But both did. Pocahontas & T sat down and hung out. When we met to pick up T, Papa asked how D-Land was and T told us all about it. Papa asked if T got the princesses phone numbers. Much to Papa's delight and Mama's dismay, he said yes. Now T wants to go back. I am so glad he had a great time.
While T was chillin' with the ladies, E stayed home with us. She has never been without T for so long. I don't think she knew what to do with herself. She had Mama all to herself. She was my little shadow all weekend. I got lots of hugs an cuddles from her. It was nice. I hope that she will keep it up. She has not been so cuddly since she learned to move her body. I think she backs off when T is around. Today she did not back off and she just butted right in for the hugs. I hope she keeps it up.
Baby in the tummy is kicking up a storm. And if I have not told you we, had an ultra sound and it looks like a girl. Papa is holding out for the twig & berries to pop out. Papa keeps reminding me it is not 100% until the baby is born. He's in denial. He also said that if it is a girl we have to have another one to give T a fair shot of having a little bother. This topic has been tabled. I plead the 5th and will kick Papa if he continues to bring up having another baby while I am still prego.
T&E are so much fun I am not all that sure about going through the hole baby thing over and over again. But that is a topic for another day.

I have posted pics of the sad ballerina and grumpy penguin on myspace. I have serious computer issues with pics. So check out myspace for the Oct 31st Short experience.

Well

2006-10-30T22:48:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess it has been awhile. Not much really is going on. Not a whole lot has changed, except for maybe my waist line. (as in increasing, or that is just how I feel.) I go to the DR Nov.1. We are almost at the 6 month mark. Baby is a mover like T was.
T is good. He is such a big boy. He is going to be a penguin tomorrow. My baby boy is turning into a real little kid.
E is good. She is miss thing. Currently she is going though a phase where she strips down and pulls of the diaper. And then the streaking starts. So we have resorted to DUCT TAPE. So, yes we tape the diaper. The sitter and papa have been informed that the tape is now a mandatory application after the diaper has been applied. Other than that, she is doing well. She will be a ballerina with her penguin brother.
Walter is doing great with his new meds. Finally, he has the meds he needs for his problems. He is doing good in school.
Kevin is a teenager.
Work is work. I have been in training since the start of this month. So my brain is full of knowledge. Or I would like to think.
Keith is starting the master program in Nov. He'll been done next Dec. if he stays on task. He is very excited about it.
That is all I got for now. Hope you all have a great week.

What's new....

2006-10-06T16:48:00.000-07:00

I went to VA. and visited with Kristin & Ashley. I HAD A BLAST. I was so great to leave Fresno and go somewhere else. It was great to see my friends. It is always great when you get together with friends, whom you have not seen in a while, and it was like you were never apart. Well, except for me being prego again.
It was a super fun time and very relaxing. I can't wait until I see my friends again.
No one can make me laugh so hard...that I pee my pants...or almost any ways.
We did a some hanging out and some sight seeing. Watched a movie & TV. It was a great time.
I am hoping some day to return, but with my family to do the touristy stuff. Keith would so enjoy everything there is to see.

I had the BEST pretzels in my life. Which now I crave daily. The Amish have a way with baked goods that is for sure.
Time is short..bye for now.

2006-09-14T19:51:00.000-07:00

In 2 more weeks I go on vacation!! I am very excited to be alone for the plane rides. It will be nice to sleep without kids cuddling and Keith snoring. I am so looking forward to visiting with Kristin & Ashley. I plan to just hang out and do whatever.

T&E are growing like weeds. T is such a boy with is new little boy hair cut. E is miss chatty patty.

Baby is fine. We are planning to schedule an ultra sound when we get back from our mini vacation.

Keith is good. Work is good. I love my husband.

Please pray for Kevin. He had a 'melt down' and is acting out in school. We are hoping that 1: he will change his ways or 2: get into enough trouble that causes him to go to juvi. I know that is extreme, but CPS can't get him placement and he can only get into a group home if he is coming out of Java. He is very stressful for our family. But I also know that God will give us strength to get through it. As for him, I regret that he does not want to change and is heading on a path to becoming the next Ted Bundy. I wish I had an easy button for him.

Here it is!

2006-08-13T17:21:00.000-07:00

So today is the day. We have been tight liped about stuff. That is always hard. I often feel like we are always complaining.
Things are going well. Keith finally goes back to school at Copper Middle School on Monday!! Now, don't get me wrong, it has been nice having him home, mostly. Since I have not been feeling all that great, he lets me rest and get extra sleep. Which I'll miss, a little. He is excited and nervous...PTL he has a job and it will pay the bills.
Kevin will be going back to school Aug. 21. We all can't wait. It has been a very LONG summer. He has given us more trouble than we are ready to handle. And it is not fair to T & E, or the strain on our marriage. Hopefully, prayfully, he will make the changes he needs too.
Walter has been gone for a almost a month. We are hoping to visit him next weekend.
T & E both go to the DR next week. T for his 3 year old check up, I know a little late. And E for her 18 month check up. T has been having bloody noses and it worries us a little. E is fine and is a little motor mouth.
Work is okay. I am still not super happy about things. But they did assign me a different work load and the change is nice. I like the challenge and I feel like I did something with the case.
I am counting down the day until I visit Kristin & Ashley. It will be a fun little trip. The first time I will have gone anywhere by myself, ever. But I really am never alone, ;-) right!?
So now that you have read through all that junk, guess you might want to know what the count down is for. Well, God has been bringing us through a rough year. With Kevin & Walter. Keith and his job issues. Me with the situation in March. It still hurts to think about it. It would have been cool to have twins. But God had other plans. Maybe there would have been something wrong with them, or worst, they might have had issues that our medical technology could not have fix. Or even maybe it was me. I will never really know. And that is okay. Every thing happens in God's time for His reasons. So, yeah, that is my thought on that.
Oh, my point, why the count down, well, why not!! :-)
Really, Aug 13 is a turning point for us. We still have a ways to go, but each day, then week, then month that passes a little less worry is on our hearts. You see it all started June 4, a Sunday.
Thinking back, not much to really say about that day. The kids must have slept in there own beds and slept in late. And without sharing TMI, some might think I have already done that, Keith and I shared time together as husband and wife. The first time, well, in a long long time. My point is this. For whatever reason, God decided to change our lives again. He just continues to Bless our socks off. So Feb 24, 2007, give or take a few weeks (It's all about Gods timing), our family will prayfully add a new member. This has been why I have been feeling sick. The sickest ever. I felt sick with T & E, but this time I get sick more times than I would prefer. SO today marks the 3 month or 12 week point for this pregnancy. We still have 28 weeks to go. (Yes 40 weeks, humans are prego for 40 weeks, while it might feel like 52 or 80.)
I don't think we are going to find out the sex of the baby. We have had 2 ultra sounds and all looks well. Pretty uneventful. PTL! Please keep us in your prayers, that all will continue to be good and baby will be healthy.
T & E seem to understand and they like to give the baby kisses. Keith is excited, as am I. We just take it one day at a time, Praising God each day we get through.

One more day!!

2006-08-12T08:44:00.000-07:00

Is the suspense killing you????
Good. Me too. One more day.....
and then.........................

3

2006-08-10T18:07:00.000-07:00

only 3 more days!

Count down

2006-08-09T02:21:00.000-07:00

4 days and counting..................

Friday, Friday, Finally

2006-08-04T23:14:00.000-07:00

It has been a super long week this week. The weather is bearable now. T & E are good. We took T to see Thomas the Tank Engine. It was a great time. We got a ride from Thomas and T got to meet Sir Topumhat. They had lots of great pre-school activites. E jumped right in and did everything her big brother did. Grandma came with us and it was a great time.
Keith signed his contract with Fresno Unified Last Thursday PTL!!! He'll be at Copper Middle School and this is his foot in the door to Fresno Unified! PTL. We are very relieved and thankful.
Kevin has had a rough week. He took off twice, Tuesday he was to be home at 430, but chose to take off from the boys & girls club and go to the park with friends. Thankfully is uncle James found him a few hours later. Thanks to the B&G club works knowing where the kids go to hang out.

Today the little brat, who was grounded from Tuesday's little adventure, left a note that he needed to think and took off out the window. We are not sure how long he was gone. But long enough to walk from our place to First above Shaw. He gave us so junk story about him Mom and how she is working at some pizza place. And he needed to take to her about stuff. This little story will be verified this weekend. Meanwhile we have no idea what to do. Grounding does not seem to work, taking away privileges, reward for good behavior, nothing seems to work. Prayer is all I have left. I told Keith that Kevin is wearing on our family. Not just stress he creates between him and us, but between Keith and I and how it affects T & E.

Work sucks. I have decided that if things don't change soon, I will be filing a EEO complaint. I have been pushed around and lied to too man times. And I am not going to sit back and be walked over and put down.

We got a call today, Walter messed up the pool at the neighbors house next to the group home he is living at. It would seem that he did quite a number on it and it will cost them money to fix it. We told them not leave him unattended for even a second...and they learned their lesson. I have to say we find it pretty stinkin funny. Welcome to our world Barker Home!!!

Still feeling a little inky, but better. I am looking forward to a relaxing weekend with my family.

We are hoping for good news on AUG 13. Thanks for all the prayers.

Guess it's been awhile

2006-07-15T08:55:00.000-07:00

It's been over a month...Sorry.
I have not been feeling all that great.
Not much is new.
Walter is moving in to a home kid kids w/special needs on Monday. This is a good thing! Hopefully he can stay and he won't get kicked out.

Kevin is a jerk. I am sick & tired for his crap. He put on a 'production' yesterday while Keith was not home. If he does it again, I am DONE. I don't understand him. He wants to go to church, he reads his bible, yet there is nothing. He can tell you what you need to do be a Christian, yet he has not done it.(When you ask.) He is the first up for church, always wants to go to Sunday school. We have been told on several occasions by pastor & Sunday school teachers that he knows the words, but it's not in his heart. Our response, yes, we know. I pray for him. And after yesterdays little show, I am finding it hard to do that right now.

Keith is still interviewing for jobs. He averages about 3 interviews a week. Everyone wants experience. But if not one gives him a shot, he will never have the so called experience that is being demanded. It's not like he just go his credital, he has 3 years under his belt. However, I have a peace about it. I know that the Lord will provide a job for him, very soon.

T is good. Full full of energy. Such a big boy. Hopefully w/Walter gone, T will lose all the bad habits he picked up from him. I miss my baby boy!

E is good. Little princess that she is. She likes getting her toes nails painted.

I am ok. Have not been feeling great for a while now. Maybe it's all in my head. Maybe it's my job. Not real happy to come in every day. I have to drag myself. If it weren't for the money, I would resign. I know that God has a reason for me being here, I just have NO CLUE what it is. I am taking a Beth Moore bible study. If you ever have the opportunity I would recommend her.

Maybe I need adult interaction. It would seem ever since we took on the boys, people, aka, friends, we used to talk to, stopped returning our calls. So now, we just don't call.
You know what I mean. You can only call and wait around for so long to hear back, but for you have to move on. Guess it is our fault for thinking that we were friends in the first place. It also seem that when people start having kids, they also stop interaction with people, whether they signal, married or married w/child(ren). Maybe I an whining, but to tell you the truth, I don't care. When you have very little family interaction, friend is all you got and when you don't have that you feel pretty crappy.
Can you tell I am a little irritated..
Ya think!

Here is part of it.
Several months ago we were invited to a anniversary party. Excited that we were even considered to go, I thought was an honor. So we RSVP for 6. No where on the card or invitation did it state no children. We get an email Thursday for the party that is THIS Saturday, explaining that blah blah blah. And then blah blah, only family can bring children. Oh and it is a SEMI-FORMAL event. I can handle the latter. But you are going to give me 2 days to find a sitter when you know DARN well that we don't have the luxury of family in town! Then end with, Blah Blah will be upset if you don't come because of catering and seating. Oh, and how disappointed they will be if we did not go. (We have been told that Blah Blah, made her self sick when she found out others were not able to make it.) So we are feeling a little pressure. What are we going to do? Heck if I know. I can get some one to watch Walter, he has special care givers. Kevin, I don't trust as far as I can through him. And I am a little picky who I leave T & E with. Did I mention, we we're told that T & E could come, and sit on our laps, but they would need to sit and I am sure they would need to be quite.
The root of my irritations is that if you don't want kids at a wedding, a reception, an anniversary party or whatever, when you invite people with kids TELL THEM AS YOU INVITE THEM. DON'T WAIT UNTIL 2 DAYS BEFORE. Please keep this in mind when planning events in the future. It does not hurt our feeling and chances are we will be more excite to go to a childless event with other adults if we know in advance. BABY SITTERS DON'T GROW ON TREES and NOR DOES THE MONEY YOU HAVE TO PAY THEM!!!
With that being said, I feel better.

The last 16 days in short

2006-06-08T00:26:00.000-07:00

A lot sure has happened in the last 16 days......the short version:
We celebrated out 9th anniversary.
T turned 3.
Almost lost Keith to FALSE child abuse allegations...Thanks Walter!
Memorial Day week was hell because of this whole ordeal.
PTL the truth came out.
Looking to place Walter in a facility. We can't do this any more.
Started a Beth Moore bible study Tues mornings.
Made arrangements to visit Kristin & Ashley in Sept.
Found facility, we'll visit it Friday.
Sitting here updating blog, it's been a while.
Time to go home. Night night!

May 23, 2006

2006-05-23T22:17:00.000-07:00

Carole Ann Marguerite RIP May 16, 2006
Keith's mother died Tuesday morning at approximately 230 am. She left behind 7 children, 18 grandchildren, & 6 great grandchildren.
I am sad to see me husband loose his only living parent. I am sad to see the boys loose their grandmother.
Keith feels both sorrow and relief.
Kevin "I am over my Grandmother's death, she was old." My heart aches for his inability to feel.
Walter " okay, can I go to school now." Again my heart aches that this child as no attachment to anyone.
T & E will never know her.
I have a restraining order out on a dead woman. I don't feel for her, just those whom she messed up and left to clean up the pieces for years to come.
I am not mean and cold.
I wonder if she saw the Love of Christ in our lives? Or did she not?
I never disrespected her. I just did what I could to get by. I had to protect the boys and T & E from being hurt even more.

On a lighter note:

T will be 3 on Saturday!!!
He is potty trained. Well, almost. He wears cute little boxer briefs. And most of the time he makes it.
E is getting big. She is the little squirt.
Walter is himself.
Kevin is in baseball and is doing his best to be the best kid he knows he can be. I am so proud of him.
Keith is closing out he school year. Looking & interviewing for a job for next year. PTL he is teaching summer school.
Work in winding down maybe a week or 2 then I go back to AUR.
Pismo Church camp is coming up in June. I am looking forward to going and watching all the kiddos play at the beach. It will be the boys first time camping.

I am doing better. I have let go and let God take over the things in my live in which I crave to control. I have submitted to the fact that nothing I could of done would change the out come of life's unfortunate situations. It still sucks. But I have to remind myself daily that I only see a pin hole of His plan for my life. I struggle will letting my life being run by someone else. But like everything else, I'll get over it and just let it happen.
There are days when I am on the pitty pot, but as long as I remember to flush, I am okay. Wednesdays are still hard days of the week for me. As the days pass, each Wednesday gets a little easier. Maybe we'll try again some day. But I don't and can't control those things. I have to submit myself to that truth.

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own" Matt 6:34

Same ole same ole

2006-04-26T14:04:00.000-07:00

Can't seem to get out of this funk. I thought by now I could. Some days are better then others. I don't understand why I can't feel better. Why can't I just snap out of it? I'm tired. I mad. I'm sad. I'm bitter. What is it? I just want it to all be over.
I'm done.

God,
I don't feel like you have heard me for a while now. So this is how it's going to be. Fine. I quit. I am done. I don't know what else to do. I call out to you for comfort and I get nothing. I call out to you in pain and nothing. I call out to you to feel love and nothing. I see your work all around me, but I don't see them in my heart. My heart is empty and I just can't any more. So this is it. Fine. When ever you are ready, I am sure you'll find me. But don't expect much. I don't have much left.

I have not cried yet today, but at this end , I will

2006-04-11T01:16:00.000-07:00

I found this, thought it was good, but thought a little more, so I reworded a few things:
This is the orginal
A Mother's Prayer/ Affirmation After Miscarriage
In this time of loss I call upon my spirit within to guide me to my strength so that I may find peace and completion.
I will use this strength to demand of myself and others my need to grieve completely, for this will be my first step to healing.
During my time of grief I will seek guidance not only from my inner spirit but from loving persons who may offer wisdom and comfort.
I need to understand that the soul as well as the physical body needs healing and to pay attentio to this. I will learn to accept that the soul may never heal completely.
I will learn to live not in fear and once again see beauty in my world and purpose in my existence.
In spite of my new knowledge that things happen that cannot be controlled, I must call upon the places within me that tell me I do have control over much of my life and use this control to aid my healing.
Let me recognize the gift in my ability to conceive and carry life however briefly.
Let me take joy in my ability to love so deeply and desire to nurture a soul unbeknownst to me.
Let me find healing in the belief that this soul knew my love for it and that that love helped it to pass to another place.
Let me honor this short life not only with my love but in finding meaning in its existence.
Let me recognize this meaning in not only my ability to survive, but in my fullest appreciation of all the moments motherhood will bring me, along with my deeper compassion and sisterhood to other women who've experienced loss.
Let a part of this soul be reflected in the spirit of my future children, born or adopted, so that I may know it through them.
I will listen to and trust the place in my deepest heart that tells me I will once again be reunited with this soul and will fulfill the need to hold it in my arms.
I will help myself to feel comfort in the knowledge that there is a star in heaven that belongs to me.
by Stacey Dinner-Levin

This is how I changed it
In this time of loss I call upon the Lord to guide me to my strength so that I may find peace and completion.
I will use this strength to demand of myself and others my need to grieve completely, for this will be my first step to healing.
During my time of grief I will seek guidance not only from my LORD but from loving persons who may offer wisdom and comfort.
I need to understand that the soul as well as the physical body needs healing and to pay attention to this. I will learn to accept that the soul may never heal completely.
I will learn to live not in fear and once again see beauty in my world and purpose in my existence.
In spite of my new knowledge that things happen that cannot be controlled, I must call upon the places within me that tell me I do have control over much of my life and use this control to aid my healing.
Let me recognize the gift in my ability to conceive and carry life however briefly.
Let me take joy in my ability to love so deeply and desire to nurture a soul unbeknownst to me.
Let me find healing in the belief that these souls knew my love for them and that that love helped them to pass to another place.
Let me honor these short lives not only with my love but in finding meaning in their existence.
Let me recognize this meaning in not only my ability to survive, but in my fullest appreciation of all the moments motherhood will bring me, along with my deeper compassion and sisterhood to other women who've experienced loss.
Let parts of these souls be reflected in the spirit of my future children, born or adopted, so that I may know them through them.
I will listen to and trust in the Lord in that He tells me I will once again be reunited with these souls and will fulfill the need to hold them both in my arms.
I will help myself to feel comfort in the knowledge that there are two stars in heaven that belong to me.

And if you ask

2006-04-06T22:31:00.000-07:00

Life hurts and that sucks.

I feel so bitter and angry.
I feel so empty and sad.
I feel guilty and greedy.

When I see pregnant women, my heart just crumbles a little more and I just want to cry.
This was not supposed to happen. I want my babies back.
I hate not having had control over this situation.

I am so numb.
I just want to feel again.
Happiness seems so hard to get.
I can't even get out of bed.
I drag myself to work, I just don't seem to be able to care.
I just want to curl up and die.

And if you ask,
I'll tell you:
I am doing fine.

Life sucks, and that hurts!

Full Arms

2006-03-29T23:21:00.000-08:00

Ever wake up in the morning and have that feeling?
This was that day.

When I get to heaven my arms will be full. I will hold you and cuddle with you. You will always hold a special place in my heart.
I read that in a book that when you loose a baby you get to hold them forever in heaven. I must be true. Lord knows that I don't have enough arms here on earth to hold T&E, let alone W&K all they want or all I want.
I know God has a plan. But it still hurts.

As T told me today when I came home from the DR's, 'it's okay mama, everything will be fine.' And he gave me a hug & kiss.
Pretty smart for a little kid.

Tomorrow is another day.

PRAY PRAY PRAY! I Hope that God reads blogs.

2006-03-27T18:48:00.000-08:00

Okay....Saturday's test-my numbers went up. This is very good. Still spotting. DR called to tell me that numbers look good. So, they sent me to have an ultra sound. Which shows that I am about 5 weeks along and at this early of a stage that is all it can show. Oh, one other thing, that there are possibly 2. So please pray that the bleeding will stop. Pray that the babies will thrive & grow. Pray that the rest of the pregnancy will be uneventful. Pray for calm hearts for Keith & I. Pray that God's will is done and we accept it. I know He will never give us too much that we can't handle. I KNOW THIS! I also know this I HAVE NO CONTROL over this situation. It is all HIM. He knows every thing about us before we are born. Please Keep us in your prayers.
I go tomorrow for another hormone test. As long as my numbers go up and there is no cramping, we're good. If my numbers go down, then it is just a matter of time.
I must confess, I am scared. I have no control over this situation. But I also know that GOD is my loving Father who will forever take care of me. He knows what is best for me. He knows everything before it happens.
Father,
I thank you for saving me out of the gutter of life and for bring me into your righteousness. God, you created me for your will. To do your work. You accept me with all my flaws and quarks. Father, you love me. I want to do your will in my life. I want to reflect you in all I do & say. I want to be pleasing to you My Lord. Your love never fails me, even when I do. I am unworthy of all the forgiveness you give me. For this I thank you. I AM TRULY BLESSED!
I thank you for my wonderful and loving husband, who you made just for me, to fill in where I fail. I AM TRULY BLESSED! I thank you for my beautiful children, who are just fantastic. They are proof to me every day that you love me. I AM TRULY BLESSED! I thank you for my home, car, job, food and all the things you provide for my daily life. I AM TRULY BLESSED! I thank you for good friends who I know will pray with me and will hold me up and be there for me no matter what. I AM TRULY BLESSED! Lord, you know my heart and the condition that it is in right now. Lord, as I sit here and type, praying you all ready know what is going to happen. For this, I AM TRULY BLESSED!

Why denial?

2006-03-23T11:01:00.000-08:00

It has not been a great week, or good for that matter.

I took 5 different tests and passed them all.
Happy news right? It should be. Not that I don't want another baby, just that my body is being weird. I have been spotting since Saturday.
I have taken 2 blood tests now. First one-prego for sure, good levels. Second one this morning. The levels have dropped some.
I go again Saturday for another. Monday they will call me and let me know. If nothing happens and spotting stops, we should be fine.
Or-something happens. And I AM NOT READY FOR THAT! This stuff happens to other people. I AM NOT OTHER PEOPLE! I DON'T WANT TO BE OTHER PEOPLE. I LIKE BORING!!
God, please please please let me stop and everything go good. Give me peace, calm my heart. Help us get through this. Help us understand and accept Your will for our lives. I know that You will not put us through anything without giving us what we need to make it out closer to You.

2006-03-17T14:54:00.000-08:00

Hives suck.
So do poopie diapers.
Please stop raining, so my kids can play outside!
E, stop taking you oneies off through the head hole.
T, please start telling me when you have to got pottie.
W, Stop stealing!
K, start apologizing to that girl at school.
Keith, GO TAKE A COLD COLD shower!!!!

Denial

2006-03-15T09:32:00.000-08:00

I am in Denial. Enough said!!!

Life Today

2006-03-15T09:14:00.000-08:00

T & E grow grow grow. I learn so much from them.
Trust, unconditional love, discipline, and how fun big hug really are.
Keith is looking for a job, he is finishing out his contract. I learn perseverance from him and how not to handle a check book. We have a struggle over who pays bills. For years, we both sat down and did it. Often I would fill in the rest. In his loving husband way he wants to help alleviate some of the stress I have. He wants me to trust him to pay bills and take care of the money. Trust I have, for him. Money is a whole other issue. So as the good wife I struggle to be, I let it go and let him take charge. He has been incharge for the whole month of March and I have not died yet. I am proud of him. But I think I liked it better when we did it together.

K & W are ok. Aside from the normal teenage junk with K, we are good. W is ok so far this week. Still struggling with him and baby toys finding their way into his pockets before school. CVRC is going to start seeing him. They are doing a home visit March 30 @ 330.
Court: GO restraining orders for the next 3 year against Carole & Angel. Keith goes back to AGAIN April 17. Some paper work issues.

For me: work is still busy. There are not enough hours in the day to get stuff done. I try not to give too much love time. I much rather spend time with my family.

Children are a blessing.

2006-03-01T01:38:00.000-08:00

Sorry it has been so long.
I started a Temp Job as a manager and I have had zero time. Running on empty.
Not much is happening.
Boys are about the same.
Keith was ask NOT to return to West Fresno as a teacher. So, he's looking. Again!
Work in busy.
E is walking, talking growing and cute as a button. She like to talk on the phone while walking around. She helps me put on my socks & shoe for work, almost every time. Such a big helper.
T is such a boy. Little heart breaker. He started telling me & grandma & papa that he loves us. He is REALLY into Thomas the Tank Engine. He knows all the train names and what they are feeling. It really cute. I think he wants to be a train when he grows up.

Court was Monday. They'd lost paper work, so we had to redo some stuff. Now we hurry up and wait.
Mean while SHE came back to CA. Early Feb. She said stuff and to be blunt, I got a restraining order against her & she devil. I go to court for that this Thursday.

Feeling a little like I am on auto drive. Feeling distant from everything. Feeling a little forgotten at times. I remind myself God is in control. Hoping for a spiritual kick start that does not hurt too bad.
I am all tapped out.
night night

Yet another quickie

2006-02-06T23:48:00.000-08:00

Just a quickie:
Boys are okay.
Babies went to Anuties & grandma's for the weekend. Came back spoiled. It is okay, that is their job. No news for either of those people. That is a good thing. Please continue to pray fro this situation.

My grandpa is in the hospital. Long story short, he is sick, he is on the road to recovery, he is not as young as he used to be. Mom & Sister are there now to help out Grandma. I will be going during the long weekend. Just me,T & E. Hopeful I will not have to go sooner. That would be bad. Pray for my Grandparents. He is sick, very sick w/ infection & kidney issues. She has just finished Radiation after a lumpectamey.(SP)
If excitement comes my way, I'll share. Hoping not, I like uneventful.
Thank you as always!
Mandy

Emily

2006-01-30T11:51:00.000-08:00

Jan 30, 2006

Emily, my sweet girl.
Today you're one!
Seems just like last week I found out that I was going to have you.
The time has flown by so fast, you are growing and changing every day.
Talking and walking, singing and playing, soon I be attending your wedding.
My sweet girl.
Slobbery kisses, big hugs from you make it all worth it.
Smiles and raspberries, your eyes twinkle bright blue.
"How big is baby Emily, soooo big", your little arms stretching to the sky.
Calling out 'ma ma' at 3 am, smiling when I finally give in. I'll miss that soon.
My sweet girl.
Cuddles and bubble baths are you favorites.
You're my baby, you're papa's girl.
T's little sister.
You're our sweet girl.

Happy Birthday Emily.
Mama loves you!

well...whats new???

2006-01-26T16:28:00.000-08:00

not much. went to court. got temp orders extended until next court date. have to file more paperwork. that is it.

sorry that it is nothing exciting, maybe after Feb 27th I'll have a excitement in my tone. seems that the courts are much like work, hurry up and wait.

at work, its work. i was to start a detail Feb. 6th, but it has been pushed back. no one knows when.

the babies are good. W is good. pray for Kevin, it is hard to be a boy growing up in today's fallen world. pray for his heart, that he would open it up to us and the Lord and let Him in.

planning the party for Sat. who knew that turning one was such a big deal? E has no idea, but we all are excited enough for her.
E is walking! EVERYWHERE and she is fast. She looks kind of funny because she is little. The plus side is she doesn't have far to fall. hehehe

T is still stuck in Christmas mode. When we leave places, 'bye, see you at Christmas' or 'merry Christmas' he tells people.

W is doing better this week. Whining is a big thing with him, so I read somewhere, how to get him to stop. As you know he is an active kid with special needs. So when the whining starts I ask if he is tired, because people tend to whine when they need a nap. I ask him if he needs a nap and of course, 'NO' is his answer. This is his warning. If it continues: he gets a 9 minutes time out in his room on his bed to 'rest' out the whine. That is as far as I have needed to go. This seem to been working for now. Also we learned he needs a good 9 or more hours of sleep.

K, is well, K. Just pray for him as he is growing and changing. And his ability to adjust in school with peer pressure, making good friends and fitting in. Also that the Pastor's class, Sunday School, youth group and church starts to impact him. Funny thing is, he wants to do all these things. Not once have we forced him.

Me & Pa are okay. We have a tentative date set for each month. This will help us to reconnect. He still talks about another baby. I laugh now. I laugh hard and loud!
Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder? Or is it the best birth control? Maybe it's the latter.
That all the time I have for now.
flower

Quickie

2006-01-19T00:10:00.000-08:00

Things are good.
Boys are good.
Babies are growing.
Tomorrow we go to court at 9 am PST; for the first step in the guardianship process. .
Then at 3 pm PST the court appointed investigator will be visiting our circus, I mean home.
Keep us in your prayers.

January 28 2006

2006-01-09T17:42:00.000-08:00

E will be turning 1 year old on January 30. But with the super bowl and other things, the date for our little Princess' party will be January 28, 2006, were thinking about 3 pm. A low key festivity will commence.

post script:
I can't believe that a whole year has already pasted!! My little baby will be 1!!!!!

Busted Lip

2006-01-09T17:35:00.000-08:00

Busted Lip is what was written on a post-it note on T's chart. Sunday at church some on did not listen and someone else got hurt. T was on a teeter totter and to make a long sad story short: if you throw a little T does he roll or smash? The answer is our little Short Smashes and smashes hard. He busted open his lip in 2 places and ripped that piece of gum on the top of his mouth, the one that connects to the lip, and ripped his gums of his top 2 teeth. No teeth were broken, Praise God, but any mouth cuts do bleed a whole lot!! He will heal. He looks a little 'smashed' so to speak. Praise God that he has a tough little face.

2006-01-09T17:10:00.000-08:00

Thanks for all the input regarding our little situation.
He,for now, is back to the "good" Kevin.
K& W are in counseling, once a week, he has been for little over a month. I would love to see him have a Christian counselor, however, there are or were some legal issues, and where the boys go now is the only place that we could get to accept them. I think that it was a total God thing that we were even able to get them in that place. We are to meet with the boys counselors some day this week.
In looking at the situation in hind sight, I think that things were good and he was scared that the ball, so to speak, was going to drop any day now. So better that he mess things up then be disappointed in us.
We have and are spending one-on-one with all 3 of the boys. Kevin more then the other 2 really does not like or given the choice, would rather spend the day with me while I have all the kiddos, than stay and hang out with Keith. Kevin has some male bonding issues. It is a trust thing and a Keith is just not cool thing. He has never had a positive male role model. Now he does and he feels there is a power struggle between him and Keith. We have made it clear both in examples in our daily lives and biblically that Keith is the head of the household.
finally, I ask for prayer.
We try to maintain our cool and live as examples. Since this entire situation started, we have lost touch with each other and together with the Lord. I know that Keith has a quite time every day, but I am the one holding up the train. I try, but obviously not hard enough. I feel a little convicted by Tammy's comment. But in a good way. (I love you too!)
Both Keith & I are and have realized where we fall short in our walks and are working on it.
Pray that we can come together as a couple and fall before our King and Maker. That His Glory will shine through us that our children will see. That they see it is Him 'From whom all Blessing Flow', not our our doing. That we shine brightly in our words and deeds. Pray the Kevin will accept Jesus as his Lord and redeemer. That he will comprehend the love the Lord has for him. That the Lord will continue to provide for our needs and our daily needs. That we will fully rely on Him, Now and always.
Everyday I read this Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord, "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." I have it hanging on my wall at work. It is a constant reminder. I just need to remember.
Thanks for all the insight, love & prayers.

Children are a blessing, teenagers are a PAIN

2005-12-28T20:45:00.000-08:00

I don't know why, but today I am blue. Okay, every day I am blue lately. Today's reason is:
Kevin steals things. Then lies about it.
Today, Keith woke up to take out the trash cans and noticed the door from the kitchen to the garage and door from the garage to the outside was wide open. Mind you it is about 7 am.
Preface:
Kevin decide yesterday when thing came to a head that his life is "sh*t". How does a 12 year old know this? He, I think, is too young to know just how "sh*tty" life can be.
Life is not "sh*tty", things in life can be at times. I can list those things for you right now:
children being hurt/abused & murdered daily is
Longing to tuck in you babies at night but you have to work is
Juggling money around and going without is
Working Saturdays to make ends meet is
Wondering from day to day how things are going to get done is
Constantly worrying when you wake up each day if your 12 year ran away is
Feeling blue and sad for no reason at all is
That is my short list of "sh*tty" things.
That kid has everything a normal kid his age could want. He complains about his clothes. He picks out the rattyest t-shirts to wear and we are reminding him that those shirts are fine for home, but not in public. We told him if he did not comb his hair, he would need to get it cut. He did not comb his hair, so we took him to the barber. We let him decide how he wanted it cut.
My sister let him write down some music he would like and she listened to it before she was going to put it on a CD for him. EVERY song had cussing or inappropriate subject manner.
Nothing he picked would a 12 year old pick out.
So why is Kevins life so poopie??? Beats me. He can't even tell me. All day today he has been a cocky little poo poo head.

Back to today:
So, ya, Kevin ran off this morning. He wore 2 shirts, and a sweat shirt. Keith found him right away and spoke with the the parents of the other kid. Who by the way were going to call CPS on him for the load of poo poo he was feeding them. Keith brought him home and on he car ride he told Keith that he has friends that we don't know about and he'll go there next time.
So, when I woke up and discovered that all this was going on, I was pretty P.O.ed. rightfully, I think. After the last time he took off, we had a chat and he promised he would never do it again. Funny thing about teenagers. They can promise you and they can break their promise and it is ok in their eyes. God forbid I do that. If I do, he tells me. When I remind him, the response I get is 'Oh'. Well, "oh" this: there is not going to be a next time. He takes off, I'll call in a missing persons report and let the police deal with it. If he leaves and just thinks he can wander back when ever he pleases, I have another thing coming. I am not going to put myself, T, E or W through that.
I know there is a good kid in that boy. My fear is that if that poo poo kid continues and refuses to change he'll spend the rest of his life in jail. That good kid like Sunday school & church and family game night. He says please & thank you and does his chore without being reminded. I know he is a good kid. I have seen that good kid. I love that kid.

He's draining me. I already feel or in my case, don't feel very close to God right know. I feel like auto pilot has taken over. I don't need this and it is not fair to all the other kids.

Why does he want to be involved in church if he does things like steal & lie & run away. Why? It makes no sense to want to be apart of something one day a week and live a totally separate life the other 6 days.
It is sad because he does not ever see it. He is working so hard to to live this double life. It has got to be taxing on him. I know it is taxing on the rest of the family. So what now?!?!

Lord, Take this boy in your arms and hold him safely. Help him. Please. Save him before it is too late.

Finally an update

2005-12-27T23:36:00.000-08:00

Okay, so it has been almost a month and all my people, those who read my blog, I will be or have seen over the Christmas season. So I guess I am updating it for me to look back on.

Well, X-mas came and went. It was nice. All the family was glad to see the babies and meet the boys. God blessed us with lots of toys. Thanks! Now I will be praying for batteries for the toys and then cotton balls to quite the toys. Yes, I know that it does not make sense, so here is a brief explanation: boys got CD players. Great! It keeps them quite, bad they eat batteries. T & E got lots of "educational" AKA noisy toys. I have found this little trick. Take 1 or more cotton balls, depending on the loudness factor, tape it with packing tape over the speaker of the toy. And then you have one less loud toy, but the noise is still audible to the little ones. The trick is to do it early and they will never know that the toy was a 400 decimal toy, they will think the cotton is just part of the toy. Please note that this trick does not work well on Husbands and the mouths of children. ;) Also drums for toddles: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING KEITH!!! There is not enough cotton in the world.
We took the new van on our trip. Sure was nice to have room for everyone and their stuff. Bonus was not having to worry about car trouble.
On the 19th we turned in the paper work for guardianship, by the 23rd we had the papers back granting us temporary g-ship. Pray foe us on the 19th of Jan. We have the first court date to get the temporary g-ship worked out. Then Feb 27th is the date we go to permanent g-ship. Please pray that this will be smooth and that SHE will not show up. Also that God will provide for the extra fees that are/have been encoring.

Feb 6, I start a temporary new job. : Hopefully more $$ and it will be a break.

T is a talking little guy. Every day that kid says something new.
E is growing like a weed. She'll be 11 months at the end of this month. We are working on weaning. I stopped pumping, so she will be forced to take a bottle. I enjoy our time together, but I need to let go. Also she is now taking it. She'll lift my shirt at night or in the bath, she make a break for it and try to sneak a swig. I know TMI, but really it makes me laugh. And lately that is hard to do.
W is still adjusting. He is trying.
K is 12, need I say more. Pray for him, he is having trouble letting go of old habits, lying & 5 finger discount. The worst, for him, but not for us, is his always gets caught. Maybe he'll learn sooner that later. It is starting to affect the entire family. More so now, then ever. The last few days have been bad. And he has been very bold.

Keith is ok. K is wearing him.
Keith wants to have a baby, well, I'll tell you what I told him, wanting and need are WAY 2 different things. Not to mention, GOD is in control, not us. Oh, and God, I am only 30, I still have like 6 or 7 more good breading years left in me.
Sure in a perfect world I would be barefoot and prego again. But I don't live there, and if you do, great, send me a post card. We can barely handle our 2 babies and 2 boys let alone another baby. So in walks the contraceptive topic, the pill or not the pill, or whatever BC method you can think of. A: trust God and know that he's in control. B: Get on the pill and spend $$ we don't have. Or C: do what we do now, nothing, who has time for S*X when you have 4 kids in your house!?!?! Oh, and 2 of them think your big king size bed is theirs! Please feel feel to vote at the end of the blog, J/K!
A & C sound good to me.

As for me. I feel a little better. I went last Tues for 6 hours and got an iron transfusion and B12 shot. Still, I don't feel 100% . I go back next month to see if it worked.
I feel disconnected from the world. From my honey, from my kids and from God. I know that He's there, but having trouble "feeling" it. Does that make sense? I miss all the fun stuff my friends are doing. It seems like I can't get it together. Either some on is grounded, or sick or I have to work.
Well, I have spent way too much time whining. I have to go back to work. Your tax $$ at work now!
bye for now
Mandy

2005-12-03T00:54:00.000-08:00

Update:
Turkey was great! I made a great dinner, if I dare say so. Got to love the oven bags!!
The boys are good. The babies are good.
Keith is good.
I am good.
Keith gave me my xmas present early: last Friday we up-graded our little car to a new van!! Sad to say that the van is my dream car and that I like it a lot. I never thought that I would find such joy in a car. But I do. It sure is nice!
Keith did very good this Christmas.
Work is okay. I'll be in training next week! YAY! I only had to wait like a year!
Also, I am waiting on a call for a management position. They should call me any day now for next season. :)
Some disturbing information: people have web sites that check out who's reading their blog. A little scary. I try to do most of my reading at home. Yeah, like that is going to happen. So I spend my breaks & lunches and after work time at work reading & posting. So apparently some people who I have been being nosy and reading their blogs have seem to taken offence to the fact that when they look at who is reading their blog, it just happens to come up that it is the government facility that I collect a check from, AKA where I work. Sorry! I did not mean to scare anyone. Not like I have any power anyway, I am just a peon. Won't be reading their blogs at work any more.
Planning a nice weekend. Next two Saturdays is overtime. $$$ for Christmas!!

good night & God Bless

;)

Turkey DAY!

2005-11-23T00:51:00.000-08:00

One more day!!! Not because I like turkey, but because it is a holiday and I will be sick on Friday!! A 4 DAY WEEKEND END!!! :-) Very excited!
This will be the FIRST time I cook, or attempt to, an entire T-day feast! It will be an experience I guarantee, for both the cook and the victims. ;-)
I am planning to start to cook Wednesday night when I get home. I'll pop the bird in a bag and set the oven and sleep. When I awake, in theory, the bird will be done and cooked to perfection!

Well, I am off!!

2005-11-18T22:07:00.000-08:00

10 favorites
Color: Red
Favorite Food:Mexican
Favorite Band/Singer: Bob Marley
Favorite Hobby: Sleeping
Favorite Movie: legally Blond, (both of them)
Favorite Flower: Tulips
Favorite Season: Fall (We gain an hour of sleep)
Favorite Day of the Week: Saturday morning
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Vanilla
Favorite Time of Day: The time that I am with my family
Currents
Current Mood: tired and at work with another cold
Current Clothes: jeans, ADX T-shirt, Old Navy sweat shirt, & tennis shoes
Current Underwear Color: tan
Current Desktop Picture: Picture of Miss E sticking out her tongue, sporting her newly pierced ears.
Current Nail Color: none
Current Time: 10:03 pm
Current Surroundings: work, cubicles
Current Annoyances: lies from the boys & other family.
8 FirstsFirst
Best Friend:Keith
First Screen Name: Can't remember
First Pet: Cat: Hiedi & Dog: Smokey
First Tattoo: Taz on my ankle
First Crush: Keith, some kid who lived around the corner
First Music Owned: Duran Duran
First Car: 1966 VW Bug
7 Lasts
Last Cigarette: 8 years ago
Last Drink: too long ago
Last Time on Drugs: 9 years ago
Last Kiss: I kissed T & E bye bye, real kiss: Keith of course
Last Movie Watched: Christmas with the Kranks
Last CD Played: Veggi Tales "Thomas" version
6 Have You Evers
Have you ever dated one of your best friends? yes
Have you ever broken the law? Yes
Have you ever been arrested? no
Have you ever skinny dipped? Yes, as a kid
Have you ever been on television? no
Have you ever kissed someone you didn't know? no
5 Places You've Been
Canada
Washington DC
Mexico
Alabama
Georgia

4 People You Can Tell Anything To
Jesus
Keith
My mom
PS the Cat

3 Things you can hear right now:
the fax machine
people chatting at work
paper rustling

3 things you can't live without:
Jesus
family and friends
Ice
3 things you do when you're bored:
Sleep
Sleep
TV
2 Choices
Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi :Diet Coke
fries or tots: tots
1 Thing You Want To Do Before You Die
Be there when my children tell me about their choice to follow Jesus

2005-11-18T00:43:00.000-08:00

It has been awhile I know. Life moving too fast for me. I cant seem to keep up with it.
All it well.
Boys are good.
T is good. His new thing, "I can't" & "sure"
For example:
Mama: "go give grumppa a hug"
T: "I can't"
Mama: "please, he'll be sad if you don't"
T: "sure" T goes and hugs him.
E is busy. Crawling all over the place. Pulling herself up, staggering on her tip toes from place to place. She is a little mover. She wants to eat big girl food. She wants to feed herself. Dress herself, drive herself, wash herself, change herself and grow up just way too fast.

Watched Oprah the other night. Boy could I use that show. It was about bras. Now I want to be fitted for a new bra. Some of those women looked as if they got boob jobs with the new right sized bras on they got.

Turkey day: We'll be having our first turkey day.
That Saturday, I was thinking if anyone was in town, they could stop by the new pad and check it out. Let me know.

Keith is talking crazy talk lately. Crazy crazy I say! He wants another baby!!!! Me too, but in the distant future. Not in time for next 2006 tax purposes! Thank God it is just talk! And so sad it is just talk. With work and the kiddos, we're just too tired to do anything!! I know TMI. But you'll get over it.

2005-11-05T00:48:00.000-08:00

Yippy! It's the weekend!~
So glad, it has been a rough week at work. Things are changing, not in my favor. Prayfully by Tuesday night it will all be worked out.

The boys are find.
T is growing and is a little talker. Boy, that kid just talks to hear his our voice.
E is growing. She is working on tooth #2. She too, like to voice her opinions.
Grandma & auntie are coming to visit T & E this weekend. T really likes having grandma over and auntie too. Auntie makes his special breakfast on Saturday mornings. Chocolate chip pancakes. Maybe Keith & I can sneak away or something.

BTW: I think it is time to maybe start to wean E from the BooB! She still has no concept that it is attached. I am not sure how much more the gals can take before they haul off and riot or go in strike!
farewell for now!

2005-11-01T00:40:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I did not sleep in on Saturday morning. And I did not tackle the house work like I had planned. Oh well. Instead, we ran errands and did other stuff, like shop & pay bills. I am very happy about the extra hour a sleep we gained that night. I proposed that we add an hour of sleep each Saturday. I think I will send a letter to some congress person! ;-)
House work got done Sunday afternoon. I think I did 7 loads of laundry. I think, give or take. I lost count after the 5th. I then fell asleep right after Grey's Anatomy. I love that show. I was a little sad that Desperate House Wives was a rerun! How dare they!

E in officially 9 months old! Only a few more months, barring any biting accidents, and I get my body back!

Counting down until the weekend!! 4 days left! yippy!!!!

:-)

"short" circus

2005-10-29T00:56:00.000-07:00

Thought I would share what all is going on with the "short" Circus.
Kevin: Jr sucks. He's being bullied. But not all that bad. He still wants to go to school, just not the school he is enrolled in. Why? Because Keith works there. Today the kids went too far and broke his glasses in his back-pack. Now I has to step in. Let's just say that mama bear is not happy. It will be handle my way. Planning to meet with someone there next week.
Walter: He wants to be Shark Boy. If you don't know who that is, go an rent the movie, Adventure of Shark Boy & Lava Girl. He is doing good in school. He was best in class Wednesday. I an not sure of the logic of a 9 year old ADHD boy, or even if there is any. But this was my day with him today.
I went to pick him up @ school, and of course, T & E decided to pooh right as it was time to leave. I change them and rush over to the school, to run to the bus as it pulls away. I run back to the car w/ T&E sleeping and drive after the bus. I stocked the bus to the first stop and run up to it as it started to pull away, only this time it stopped and I retrieved Walter from it. Take him to the DR so we can get his meds for ADHD. They go to weigh him and he starts to empty his pockets. Pencil, eraser and chocolate milk bladder. Yes milk. From his lunch. He was saving it. He has had it in him pocket for 2 1/2 hours. What ever happened to milk in a carton? Where was I when it turned in to a bag of milk?? So, yes milk in his pocket. We get the meds and Papa or Uncle Keith as Thomas like to now calls him, calls and informs me of the glasses incident at school. So we go to meet at the Eye Drs. Switch of the kids & get the glasses fixed. Simple right. Not when a member of the Short Family is involved. (Please note the Family & Circus are interchangeable) Eye Drs office is closed. Emily is hungry. So while in the parking lot, I figure, I feed her as the circus clowns pile out of my car and into the van. W &amp;amp;amp;amp; T get in the van. Papa & I sit in the car while I top off E. E likes her papa and proceeds to smile big while stretching my nipple as far as humanly possible. Which in my case is pretty far. Well, as this is happening Walter decided that his now 31/2 hour old chocolate milk bladder, been in his pocket most of the day was ready to drink. So he rips of a corner and chugs away. Then throw the bag on the floor of the van. I go to kiss everyone bye bye and see foretold bag on the floor. While T tells me he wants milk too, like Walters. Choking back my lunch, let's just say the natural consequence of drinking warm milk should be enough punishment. Hopefully I don't have to clean it up when I get home tonight. With that being said, lets move on to the member.
Thomas: Gotta love this little guy. He is at that stage where he repeats the last part of what you just said. You start to think that this guy knows what his is talking about. And then you realize, he is just coping you. For example today when we where getting ready to go, I told T that it was time to get dressed and go bye bye. T said: "Dressed and go bye bye." Me: "Yes!" Okay so this is where I think all is good and we are going to make progress. I proceed o approach this guy, clothes in hand and he runs away, "no dress mama, no bye bye, watch movie!" down the hallway. After tackling him and wrestling him dressed, he thinks going bye bye is okay now. E is next.
Emily: E is getting way big way too fast. Still petite, she is growing. We have tooth number 1 with number 2 following close behind. She crawls, she cruises and she is fast!! She likes to pull herself up and stand right behind me as I do the dishes. She likes to eat cherrios, cat food and string cheese. She growing up way too fast!! She is so cute with her bling bling earrings. She is still working on hair so the earrings help you decide that she is a she. She is papas girl. She just love him. She like to squirm. Especially when I am in a hurry to change her diaper or clothes. Or while nursing. I think this baby believe that my nipples are made of elastic rubber. Made just for her and her enjoyment. She has been caught pinching me. Talk about the "Nipples". This kid puts Jayne to shame. She has a good idea of how to pinch and she is not afraid to to it.
Keith: He is having a rough year with all 120 kids he has this year. He had stated to apply for other school district. Hopefully he'll find some thing and it will pay better. He is doing the 'Biggest Loser" at work, he is ahead 25lbs. All women can attest that men can do this, he just went to the bathroom and came out 25 pounds lighter!
Me: Work sucks. I can wait until I can do my real job. We ran out of work, so I have been doing clerical for what seems like forever. If I never see another file and get another paper cut again I could live a happy life. The ice machine was broke all week at work, which means that work was long and I had no ice to eat! I have this ice thing since E. I can't seem to get enough ice. I fill my cup up at least 3 times a night. I have been having ice withdraws.
TGIF!! I will sleep in tomorrow. I will I WILL I WILL!!! Then I'll tackle the house work.
Those are my big weekend plans. Maybe look at my email at home, since I have not done it in like a week. E will be nine months Sunday. Boy has the time flown by. I miss having a little baby in the house. Maybe one more. Not sure how soon. In my perfect world, maybe this time next year. Let's see what God has planned, be for I go off naming my next baby boy. We will definitely need to buy a new van if that is the case.
Well, it is time to leave work and join the circus! Have a lovely weekend!

2005-10-21T00:45:00.000-07:00

That "What If" sounds pretty good. Call me!!!

Quick:
The Fair was fun. The circus had a fun time. They are still talking about it. Everyone is doing good. Slowly the boxes are disappearing. Finding all the stuff I thought I lost. Still missing Larry boy, T is missing him. E is growing. We have our first tooth! Her breastfeeding days are numbered. She likes to see how far mamma's nipples can stretch. It is always more fun to chomp a little before drinking. If some talks, walks in to the room or looks at her, she must turn her head, full and all and see who it is. I think that my nipples are made out of rubber. Will someone please tell E that they are not! She does not believe me. E is also a little adventurer. Her new found mobility takes her anywhere she sees fit to travel, from room to room, level to level and right out the front door! Looking forward to Friday, it is one day closer to Saturday! Looking forward to November 11th! Paid Holiday!!
random information: When you have babies you seem to get on their schedule for everything. Eating, sleeping, napping and pooping!!

2005-10-07T00:48:00.000-07:00

I feel like I am on auto pilot. Day in & day out. I always feet tired. I am always catching myself dozing off. I feel like I never get anything done. I feel like I pull a triple shift. I start at 6am-getting everyone up and off to school. I go back to sleep until my Thomas alarm goes off at about 8am. ( E is a good morning sleeper!) "wake up mama, wake up!" Over & over. If I hit snooze, I get, "hungry mama, hungry." Who can ignore a child's plea for food. So the 2 ring circus is under way. I try to get the house done. Mostly the dishes are the only thing I every really get done. We play, shop, clean & do laundry. By 230pm or so, the 3 ring circus starts. By 4pm I am off to my second shift. I relax at work. It is super slow right now! I am home by 130am. Just in time to punch in for the third shift. Pick up as I walk to the bedroom to remove all the babies on my side of the bed. Start laundry, & dishes. Pick up here & there. Shower and night night I go, with very little resistance by 3am. By 6am the 4 ring circus starts again. Really it is not so bad. You kind of get used to it. On weekends, well the last few have been NUTS!!! With moving and Kevin taking off for 2 days & 2 nights. I am really looking forward to this weekend. Just hanging out at home, doing stuff. No plans, nothing pressing. I am off work on Monday :) Some silly holiday. We are planning to take our 4 ring circus to the Fresno Fair Monday afternoon. Hope it fun. Will update you!

2005-09-30T22:26:00.000-07:00

PRAISE GOD!!!!!! We found him! After 2 days & 2 nights of worrying and sleeplessness, K has returned home. There are a lot of unanswered questions, but he is now home.
The short of it,(no pun intended)
After cold calling all the places he ever talked about and driving what felt like a million miles, I called his old school to see if they could give me a little insight on where he might be & if I could get a picture of him. They saw him yesterday. I told them about some of the friends he told me about, the school contacted them and within 5 minutes, they knew exactly where to find him. Keith & I w/ T&E in toe met @ the school. The school sent someone to pick him up, but to no avail. He did not want to go with her. So the lady from the school call PD, who brought him to us at the school. PD gave him 2 options, go home with us or go to foster care. Praise God, he picked us. Things are still pretty fuzzy, but I know where he is. We made a point to express to him that we love him and just want him to be happy. Pray that he will learn what love is. & that we do a good job of being examples. I'll update more later! Thanks for all the prayers!!

2005-09-29T17:11:00.000-07:00

a quick little prayer request:
K left last night on his bike @ about 5pm. by 9pm we called he police, he was now where to be found. have not slept, so sleepy i cant stay awake. he is 12 so he is considered missing as a run away. we are super worried about him. pray that he returns safe and sound soon.
thanks

2005-09-26T23:59:00.000-07:00

The move! Yes it all started Friday night! It continued into all day/night Saturday. Alas, Sunday any yet, still continues today.
Some people from church came and helped pack and move stuff over! We are total blessed by our church family. They were/are so wonderful. It could not have been done without all their help.
We are slowly settling in. Prayfully we will be unpacked within 2 weeks. We'll not sure to have a get together soon.
I am very tired, so is Keith. I can hardly type and think at the same time.
The house is perfect for us by God's design.
night night!

2005-09-19T23:59:00.000-07:00

God is totally providing for us!!! Yes, we are moving!!! How great is God, the perfect house, the right amount, the perfect numbers of rooms, (including bathrooms). There's a yard, fenced in back yard, garages, W/D hook up!! Even a fire place!! How great is that!!
We'll be signing the papers later this week. And we'll start moving Friday after Keith is off work.
Other news:
Leanna had her baby @ 130am Benjamin Eric Prim, 7lb 8oz 21 in long. Both were doing fine when I got the call.
W has been placed in a school. Praise God! Just waiting for the call to register him.
We had a nice weekend. Saturday we did family stuff. I think everyone had fun.
Sunday-church. It was an okay day. The boys got a call from HER and she got them all worked about moving and all the stuff that waits for them. I feel so bad for the boys. I spoke to Keith's sister-in-law. Pretty much every thing SHE has put into the boys head is pooh pooh! None of it is true. SHE is rambling on about coming back to Ca. to get the boys and bring them back with HER to Mo. Or haw if we don't have the guardian papers or guardianship to transfer to her, SHE is going to move back here, get them and guardianship of them. I know it's all talk, but I am scared. I just want what is best for those boys. Pray that we get this paperwork done & the birth cert. without hassle and that it happens soon.
Well, better get back to work. Thanks for all the prayers! 4 days until the move!
Praise God! He is so good!!

2005-09-16T00:45:00.000-07:00

I figures! A while back ago I wrote about going to Earth Dance 2005. And as I expected, my sister, who wanted us to go, backed out. That is fine. But I have to say I am not surprised. I knew when she first asked at that she would do this. She is just like someone I know, she doesn't know him, but is so much like him it is scary.

It is all good, because we are done with OT at work until or after Oct. It means I get to sleep and rest & spend time with the family.

2005-09-15T21:19:00.000-07:00

PRAY PRAY! Please. We were to hear about renting that house today, he called, but we were gone and would not leave the message with the sitter. He said that he would try back at 6pm, but did not. We are very nervous. I am almost beside myself in anxiety. I just need to know , so I can plan my next step. I know it is all in God's time. I know he is in control. I just feel so nuts, lost, overwhelmed and tried right now, I just don't know what to do. W is still not in school, they want to wait to see if we move. Keith got paid a little extra this last week, praise God, but the when I deposited it, the bank did not post it and is sending the check back to us and no one over the phone would/could tell us why.
It just seems like even the little things are going the other way on us right now. I just don't understand. I would like one week with no events please!
W is a handful. I got him a work book to work in and we spend about 2-3 hour working on it. You might be thinking, wow, that is great. And maybe it is. But I know that I have learned that I will NEVER go back to school and get a special Ed credital. NEVER! We only get 2 to 3 pages done and it is a 1st grade book.
Keith has a hard time getting him to eat dinner. I think that Keith is tried by the time he gets home and just has nothing left. I try to explain to him that yelling at him is not the answer, it is no better then W's grandma & mother.
At this current moment I am wondering if we are doing the right thing. It is right for the boys? For our babies? For our family? For our marriage? I just don't know. I miss the way thing were and I wonder if should have never have gotten involved? I wonder if the boys will stay or go or if this is what God wants? I just don't know.

2005-09-12T23:17:00.000-07:00

Wow, the living room is now so much bigger!!! Lots of room. :)
The boys are adjusting. Please pray for them.
Update: Both like Sunday school and want to go back & look forward to going! :)
Spoke to K's teachers today. He's doing well.
Pray that FO Unified will place W soon. Still no school for him. :(
CVRC is going to test W. starting 9/27 @ 10 am. Pray for that please.
Monster-in-law, I mean couch potato, I mean mother, made it back to MO Safely.
Keith & I feel more comfortable! :)
E is teething, rolling, crawling, rocking and shaking all over the place. She is VERY active! :)
T is 2, what else can I say?!?
In short, we are all well, praise God!!!
We found what we think is the "Perfect House" pray that it is and the it is the place for our family. I'll be dropping off the application tomorrow morning.
I am scared b/c I went ahead and put in our 30 day notice. But I know if this place is not it, God has the "PERFECT" one waiting for us some where.
We appreciate all the prayers. Keeping them flowing!!

BU-BYE

2005-09-10T08:19:00.000-07:00

At 7 this morning, she left for LAX then @ 3 to MO.! I know that it sounds bad, you know to ship an old lady off. But the truth is, she'll be better off with no kids crying and running around. She'll have no one to yell at and bother her when she sleeps. I have no doubt that she loves K & W, in her own way. As strange to me as she is and her affection toward the boys and even T & E is, she only loves the only way she was taught. But alas, she is off to another's, who will care for her. Prayerfully it works out. There's NO coming back to our home in FO. Thanks again for all the prayers. Please continue to pray for the boys as they adjust, as T & E adjust too. Pray that God will give us wisdom in dealing with things as they come. Pray that God will provide to us a new place to live, and that all things are in His will for us. Thanks again!
Back to work I go!!!!!!!

2005-09-07T00:47:00.000-07:00

It has been like forever since I updated this, but I have seen most of you that read it and we have gotten to see & talk to each other! :)
But here is a run down.
W & K are adjusting. Still waiting for W to get into the right school. Kieth's school refused to admit him b/c of his special Ed issues.
W & K had pink eye last Mon. Shared it w/ T & E and both had it by last Fri. Alas, there are no more pink eyes. :)
T & E are adjust well. T, having a little tougher time.
My monster-in-law prayfully will be stepping onto a plane & off my couch this Saturday @ 8am.
We meet w/ K & W's social worker on the 7th. Hope all goes well.
Keith is super busy w/ work.
I am okay. Had a nice weekend. I always enjoy a good wedding. Hoping to here from Tammy. Couldn't make it on Sunday. I have no # to contact her. Hey Tammy: if you see this while in Cal. Please call me.
Got a speeding ticket on the way to work today. I speed so I'm not late, I get stopped and I am still late. :P on the poop poop who gave me ticket for merging in to traffic. I don't deny I was speeding, but I had to get onto the street. Oh well.
That is all. God is taking care of our needs and providing for us. Continue to pray for our family. I know you all are, cause He is listening.

2005-08-18T01:08:00.000-07:00

Life as I know it has changed. I don't know where to start and it is a long story. In short, Keith Mother is in the hospital. Keith nephews are with us, K is 12 & W is 9. We are trying to find out who has legal custody. Maybe 8/18/05 Keith' s mother will be released. Not sure. Two weeks ago she was evicted from her Apt. And is basically homeless. Thus the boys have no where to live. Have been running around to get thing for them since all they came to us with was the clothes on their back.
Pray.............W is ADHD he's like a 3 year old in a 9 year old's body. We are trying to get then clothes & toys. Donations accepted. Right now they share a mattress on T & E's floor. T & E are sleeping with us. 4 people in a small 2 bed room is cozy. Hoping the social worked will call me back so I know what to do as far as who they "belong to." BTW where is their mom??? Well, in a motel druging it up. I don't think she knows that we have then boys until she called for $$ from Keith's Mother. Hoping to get them registered for school so they can start ASAP. This is Keith's 1st week back with kids at school. Our home is a mess. We have not seen each other since Monday, I called in to work so I could take the boys to Target for undies, socks & shoes. I have no idea what ans why God is allowing these two boys to have such a crappy life. Or why we have them 9 years later, after they took them away from us. I have no clue what to do. How to feel. I am so tired I can't sleep, think or anything. I want what is best for them. I just have now clue. W does not want me to leave for work for fear I won't return. K told Keith tonight that he wants to stay with us and not got back with Grandma. We can't afford to double our kid capacities. We have don't have enough room for us let alone two boys. I just don't know what to think or do. What is next? Where do I go? Why can't I get answers? Why is it taking so long to get my phone calls return? Lord, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!Help I am lost and I just don't what is going on. It all is happening so fast.

2005-08-06T00:36:00.000-07:00

This week has been long!! But it is coming to an end.
I am working Saturday. But there is a good reason, not just $$. But what the $$ is for.
My sister called me yesterday and asked me if I wanted to go to a concert with her. You see, she when to a big concert in TN Bonnaroo(SP). Anyway, it was a 4 day thing and she had a blast. She saw all kinds of artists. It is like a once in a life time thing. Well, I told her in June that it sounded fun and I wish I could do stuff like that. SO, she said that I could got with her. Keith is not keen on the idea. But it is no until next June, so there is a lot of time. Well, she called me asking me if I would like to got to Earth Dance 2005 in Laytonville, 5 hours North of Fresno. So I looked it up on line at
earthdance 2005.org
Basically a hippie fest. Looks like fun, so I told her I had to talk it over with Keith. T & E would have a fun time camping and being outside. Keith agreed that to let us go if it was something I wanted to do. I think it would be okay. I mean, do you ever feel like you want to do something unexpected, kinda different and well not like you? I do. Leave work & city behind you and go where no one knows you. You don't know anyone. Just go and be? Leaving the worries of life. I think I need that. I think that everyone needs that. It's not like I am getting any younger.
Camping, music, art and fun stuff! Yes I know that Spirit West Coast is like that, but when that came around we could not go. I think maybe next year. But I can't get my sister to go to that. SO I need to step out of my boundaries and in to hers. Well, from the web site, I don't think either of us would generally go and do something like earth dance. My mom said she would think about coming. I think she'll go just to be with T &E. It would be just Me, Mom & Carrie (my sis) and of course T & E. A bunch of hippies, music and art. Fun, want to come??

Keith goes back to work on Monday. It sure was great to have him home the last 2 weeks. He has been great. He finished his 2 classes. History he got a B. The man never opened the $80 book. I wish I could do that. He'll find out soon about the other class. I am sure he did fine.
It was so Africa hot today. I went on a walk at 1045pm and it was stink HOT!
Took T & E to the mall today so T could run around at the play area. He had fun. JCP had clothes for 70% off!! What a deal. Picked up a few things for T and an few for E too. Can't pass up $1.79 for shorts and $2 shirts. Not to mention 3 piece outfits for $4.99. Talk about blue lite specials!! As you can see I am proud of my key buys.
Well, if I haven't lost your attention by now I sure if I continue to go on I'll lose you for sure.
Have a great weekend!

2005-08-04T00:52:00.000-07:00

Go, go go! That is how I feel. Like I am always going somewhere & doing something.
Got my stitches out and hand is healing fine. A little tight, but good.
Keith has been off for the last week or so. It's been nice to sleep a little and have him home. There are days, however, when I can't wait for him to go back to work. I know that I'll miss him next week when he goes back. He's almost done with school, Thursday is his late day. :-)
Last week Miss E has Roseolla. It's a high fever for 3 to 4 days followed by a rash. Poor thing looked like a newborn, all red and sad. But she's better now. She is a busy baby. She like to stand, sit up and army crawl. Go, go, go! She really likes sitting up. And she like yogurt too. I found a recipe to make it at home and it turned out pretty good and she liked it. I liked it too.
T man is getting so big. His new thing, "I do it, I do it" little Mr. Independent.
Tonight I called home and he talked to me on the phone for almost six minutes. He just went on and on about his day. It was so funny. I laughed and cried at the same time. Laughed because he just went on and on about somethings that go stuck somewhere and how papa needed to get them out. Cried because my little guy is growing so fast. Next thing I know I'll be looking up to him to talk to me 'cause he is taller than me.
Well, gotta go. Time to go home.
BTW, DSL is fixed, I just don't have enough hours in the day to do anything.
night, night!

2005-07-26T01:01:00.000-07:00

Weekend are jsut way too short!
This past weekend flew by. Not much new happened, but I could'nt even keep up with the old to let new stuff go on.
E has had a fever each night, starting Friday. It goes away during the day. Dr thinks it's a childhood thing. Should be better by Tuesday.
T is T. Gotta love that little guy.
Hand is healing. Hurts only when touched. Should have the stitches out by Thursday.
Will update when I have more time.
I still HATE SBC DSL. Still not working. :P

2005-07-22T00:11:00.000-07:00

I am on a break, so I'll make it fast.
Saw Dr today. No more Cast!!! :)
Hand still hurts a little. I can't get my pinky finger to work real well. I got a real close look, I count 12 knots and a lot of stitches. Planning on having them taken out next Thur.

T & E are good.
T is himself.
E is a mover. She is army man crawling (forwards & backwards). I left her on the bed yesterday and came back 3 secs later and she was on the floor. T was telling my "bebe hurt, mommieeeee, bebe hurt!" She was not, but it must have looked like the dive off the bed did hurt. When I got into the room, she looked up at me with that toothless grin that just melts your heart. Gosh, I love those smiles.
Seeing Tammy with baby S make me want to have another one. I know E is only 6 months, but the newborn stage is so much fun too. I miss it! But I know that I need to wait. I am sure that by the time I post this and start back to work, I forget I want another one. Then I'll look at the Pics on Kristin blog for the 100 time. My heart will melt and I will be right back at the I"I want a baby stage again."
Papa is off next week! I can't wait. T will be SO happy. Planning a trip to the park and other outdoor activties. That kid has got way to much energy.
Break over. Back to work. only an hour left :)
p.s. spell check not working right now. sorry for the errors!

2005-07-20T03:18:00.000-07:00

Sorry it took so long. My hand is not the reason. DSL from SBC is. Nothing but trouble since we signed up for a year contract. I spend more time on the phone trying to fix it then on-line. Very frustration.

Hand is okay. Hurts a little today. Thursday I see Dr. I am tired of diapers sticking to the ace bandage around the cast like contraption I am stuck in. I am sure I am a sight with two kids and my arm casted in a sling. You should see me driving!!! Or maybe you don’t want to be around to see that.
I think I have 12 or 13 stitches. Looks like franken-hand. Kind of creepy and gross.

Saw Carrie Friday. She was kind enough to watch T & E while we had a chunk removed from my hand. She is so great! I miss her. T & E like her too. They seem to have good taste in their mama’s friends. They always seem to like everyone who I like. I guess I did something right.

I must say all the daydreaming I did in school, I should have been writing with my left hand to practice just in case I lost the use of my right hand. T writes better than me.

It’s late and I am beat.

2005-07-14T01:45:00.000-07:00

YAY the week is almost over. Okay, I really not excited, I just don't want to go to work.
Not much is happening. T & E are good. It is HOT, like Africa hot. Keith is off this week. T really likes having papa home. They play are hang out. I like it too.

My mom's friend, Josie, died Tuesday night. Please pray for the family. I talked to mom and she said her friend & dad are hanging in there, remembering all the good stuff.

Friday @ 1pm I'll be checking in to Fresno Community to have my hand operated on. It's my right hand and it all started off like over a year ago. What I thought was a wart was not and it is a cyst. I had it removed back in April, I think. Now they DR has to go back and they're going to make a quarter size hold as deep as to the muscle and remove the rest of it. It has roots. Prayerfully I will not need a skin graph. I don't want to have to tender areas. It will take about 2 weeks to heal. So if you don't hear from me for a while, you'll know why. I'm a little irritated, sad and worried. Irritated, because I thought it would be no big deal to have it removed and it has turned into an ordeal. Sad, that I will not have the use of my hand for 2 weeks. I won't be able to shower & wash my hair by myself. I won't be able to give T & E bathes. :( I have to be careful. Worried that I might not be able to take care of T & E and hug & hold them too tight, like I like to. I am worried that it might hurt too. I also worry about Keith and all that he'll have to do and the such.

Oh, when the news breaks about Tammy & Baby B will someone please call me. I am just itch'en to hear that they are all well and doing fine. Thanks!!

2005-07-12T02:59:00.000-07:00

Boy does time fly when you get older!! This weekend was a blur!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Friday I played bunko. Had fun,ate junk, talked with other mom's, and lost 5 bucks. Saturday, Keith & I had conversations that at times, got loud. Eventually I got my way. I took E to the Dr for the cough. Lungs clear, just sounds really bad. I think she is getting better. Still getting dirty looks when we go places, :P to them. I know how bad she sounds, but what are you to do when its a dramatic princess cough. My step mom came over & watch the kiddos without any problems. We went to dinner. It was good. There was no , whining, crying, baby swapping, crayons, kiddie menus, spills, high chairs and tag team eating. We got to eat our food right after the waiter brought it out and we didn't have to wolf it all down. We actually enjoyed a meal. It was great. I got a bunch of great cards and even better phone calls! :) Sunday was church & lunch with my dad & step mom. It was good. T & E were great. E likes the red, blue & yellow ceiling at Red Robin. Maybe I should do some painting!
Monday back to work.

Funny, I am listing to the rerun of the News and E is a tropical storm. She has her very own storm. Maybe it will never reach hurricane status or maybe it will be the worst one ever?! I think it would be neat if I had a hurricane with my same name the same year I was born. Did you know she was born on a special day. The elections in Iraq. Maybe God is preparing her for great things. Or to be apart of great things, or just be around when they happen. I don't know. But every mother hopes that her child will achieve great things. Whatever they maybe. Especially if she just continues to be the great baby she is.

Can you do my a favor, Please pray for my mom's friend's mother, Josie. At 8 Monday night she was basically waiting to die. She has been sick for some time. Her body is shutting down. She has double ammonia and was disconnected from all machines. She is able to breath on her own, but she was having a heart attack when they first disconnected her. There is a DNR for her. She is ready. But her body had not let go yet. Pray for her Husband of over 50 years. My mom's friend has a brother and their family is kind of messed up. Pray for comfort for the family and that Josie will not have to suffer too long. I am pretty sure she knows that Jesus is waiting for her. When she was first removed from the breathing tube, while having a heart attack, she signed to cross as to pray. Please keep them in your prayers.

Lord,
Be with Josie right now. Comfort her in her pain. Comfort her family as they helplessly standby. May they feel your presents. May they find their comfort in you. May the man whom she spent so much of his life with, find a calm. Surround him with the love of his family as the women who he loves so very much suffers. Allow him to know that the physical suffering will pass and she will soon be with you in a whole, complete, healthy body & soul. Lord I lift this family up to you and know that you have a plan. Help them to mourn/grieve and turn to you at this time. I thank you Lord for being who you are. May this family see your glory & honor during this hard and painful time. Amen

Well, I better get some sleep.

2005-07-08T01:44:00.000-07:00

People are just mean!!!
Sometime between 130 am & 630 am yesterday, some bone head broke into our storage, again. They left all the thing that could be sold to make a quick buck and took ALL the boxes with T & E's clothes!
WHY??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I am so mad! I was up since 630 this morning dealing with it. PD said that got some good prints and the bolt cutters used to break one of two locks.
Bone head stole baby clothes. Leaving tools, sleeping bags, tote full of about $2,000 worth of Keith stuff. Left behind good camping gear, boxes of books and school supplies. But I think, deliberately took baby clothes. Fine, maybe bone head needs them. Okay. I am now working, I will eventually replace it. Some hand made stuff gone. Bone head maybe needed it. Maybe bone head is a girl w/a baby & needs clothes. Okay. But am I so mean & ugly looking that you won't approach me in a parking lot & ask me for $$$. I think not. It happens almost every time, someone ask for gas $$, food $$, formula $$ even prescription $$. I do what I can. So bone head, stop stealing! Come to my door. You have my babies clothes & diaper bag filled w/ new stuff. You also have all my CD's. Not to mention laundry soap, fabric softener & dryer sheets. Come to my door & stop breaking into things and taking thimgs. I will gladly give you what I can. You can even sit with me & I'll give you the right size clothes. But to take it all, size 0 to 2t is WRONG! Not to mention all the summer stuff , T & E have in their room. Bone head, please stop violating my family. Just ask and I'll help you.

I know that the Lord forgives. I am proof of that. Lord, help me to forgive. I know that it is just stuff. I know that you gave it to me and you'll take it back. Just as you allowed me to lose my job, you also gave it back. I pray for this person who took T & E's clothes. Help them to find you. Help the person who took the diaper bag & CD's to find you. Lord use me to help these/this person. Lord help me to let go of the anger & rage I have inside me. Lord, I don't not want to be in bondage to anger. I pray that you will help free me. I know by the power of the Holy Spirit I will be released. I beg, calm me, soothe me, hold me, guide me Lord.
Lord, I pray for this/these lost people who have hurt me. I pray that they might find you. That they find the hope & things they need in you. Lord, you are in control. I pray this in your Holy & Precious Name, Amen.

2005-07-06T10:52:00.000-07:00

Not much is going on. Not much has changed. Not much to say.

Keith has to teach for a few more days. The 8th is the last day of summer school and boy, he can't wait. Maybe next year he won't have to teach summer school.
T is good. Growing & talking more each day.
E is good. She has a little cough. No fever, mucus or rash. So we are just waiting it out. I think it sounds worse than it is.

As for me: Work is good. I am starting to get into the swing of things.
Counting down until the big day. 3 days until I climb another rung of the ladder of age.
In the start of my twenties I did not think about it. In the mid of my twenties, the thought slowly crept in. Now as I turn the corner in to my thirties, I wonder.
As a kid b-days where fun. In the teenage years they got exciting. From 17 to 20 there was a hurry up and wait feeling. Could not wait until the next big one, 21. Then 25 was a point to get to, it just sounds a little more grown-up to be 25. Then, 26, 27 ,28 and 28 seemed to be a good place to stop. But oh, no, 29 crept up and in. Now, 30 is BANGING on the door. And I wonder, will I feel any older? Will my body start to feel it? What about my brain? Considering I still have a mush brain from having a 2 year old & 5 month old, I think that my brain is somewhat oblivious to the things of this world and to me at times. Will I be any different when I wake up on Saturday morning?

Before I continue my rant on turning 30....I can't believe what just happened!!!
E is sleeping, T is watching pooh.
Well, that is what I thought. I heard some rustling and a loud "I did it!" So being the attentive mother, that I am, I went to see just what my precious little angel is so proud of. T is standing on the ottoman with the door to the DVD, VCR & other junk needed to make the TV work and he has taken it upon himself to change his entertainment. Apparently pooh was over and he changed the DVD and put another one in. Okay in our terms, not a big deal. We do it all the time. But my little Bubba T is 2 and as a mother, I feel kind of foolish. My 2 year-old has seen us change the DVD so often that he can do it himself. The fact that he could do it without falling is most impressive, since the cabinet is above his head. I just never thought he knew the buttons to push on the DVD player. Even I don't know the buttons, I have to use the remote!!

Okay back to my age thoughts:
Will I be any different when I wake up on Saturday morning? Will I be more mature? Will I feel anything? I don't really know. But I think my parents might. Saturday Morning they will wake up and be the proud parents of a 30 year old daughter. I think that might be worse then actually turning 30. Now that I think of it. I think I just made myself feel a whole lot better. Huh. I did. Now when T&E start to get into their 20's & 30's I might need to do more than talk it out, I might need to be medicated!
Well, princess E has arose from her royal nap & by now I am sure the the little prince has figured out how to program the VCR clock.

So much for: Not much to say! :)

a short update

2005-06-29T10:31:00.000-07:00

Went back to work on Monday. God is good. It went well. I think that place is stuck in a sort of time warp. Nothing really changed. Same people, same work, same stuff.
I truly believe that God had/has control of this situation.
The only bummer is I lost my window desk and I am now in a "pod" with 4 people. Oh, well. I am over it. I am just getting back into the schedule of things. I know that with my little strength, God will get me through my work day.

While Keith is taking his classes, we got a sitter for the kiddo's. She has worked out good so far. She's not Auntie Jen, but she does just as good of a job. (Well, you know, nobody can replace Auntie Jen.) I can tell because T is behaving well and so is E. Neither have had any behavior changes that are negative. Only positive. E is asleep by the time Keith gets home and then he puts T to bed and then buy the time I am home, everyone is asleep. I go around watching them sleep and kissing everyone. They all look so peaceful & quite.
T is really getting into 'please & thanks'. I am happy that he has manners. Also his speech is getting clearer. We can understand over 3/4 of what he says. Yippy!

This morning, someone was outside and T ran to our door, "Jen, Jen!" I felt bad, it was not her and it was not anyone visiting us, it was the neighbor.

Update from Pismo:
Had a wonderful time and can't wait until next year!!! :) Hopefully Keith will be able to come the whole time. T really liked staying in the tent. When we got home he told us "no home, mama, tent please, tent!" I felt bad, but I really needed to sleep in my bed. I can only tent-it for so many days before my body reminds me of my age.
E did great. She slept good. She had a few spells, but nothing too bad. I told Keith that we should buy land and pitch a tent on it. We all slept pretty well, it was nice and relaxing!
Jen & Feliz came to Pismo, I was great to have them. Hope they'll come again next year, and you too if you want. It will be the same time next year.

I am itch'n for Tammy to have her baby. I am so excited for her & hubby. Can't wait to see the little guy.
Gotta go, E is starting to wake up & T is running a muck!!

2005-06-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

Yippy!
Yey!
:)
Pismo, here we come!! I have been looking forward to this trip all year. Every year our church family camps for about a week. We have fun, fellowship, food & most importantly we study the bible together each day we are there. It's a great time! I always look forward to coming home with a new & refreshed outlook.
Please pray for traveling mercies.
Keith will be joining us Friday night & so will Feliz.
Auntie Jen will meet us there today.
It is going to be a great time.
Please also pray that E & me will adjust to the new surrounding and there will be no little"fits" the rest of this week.
Since our return home from last weekends adventures, E has had a "fit" each night.

Since I have you praying for us, let me add another one:
It is official. I will be returning to my job on Monday, 6-27-05. God is good and has made it possible for me to be vindicated. Pray that I will be calm and ready for Monday. I am VERY nervous about returning because of the situation in which I left. It will be weird. But I will do my job and work unto the Lord. I know He has a plan and He is in control. I hope that I will be a good reflection of His love and that I will be a light in that very dark place.
Diapers are calling and we all need to get ready! Bye for now!

Lost but now found

2005-06-17T00:29:00.000-07:00

I have to make it short. We're leaving in about 3 hrs.....To visit family. So, today is Thursday, softball day. We had a game @ 6pm. I get 1/2 hr before the game to warm up. Somewhere between where we warmed up and the dug out I lost my wedding ring. This was the first time I did not take it off. Keith was not there to hold it and I thought I'd better keep it on, I didn't want to lose it. So I lost it. After the game I had our whole team and fans looking for it. A friend from MOPS tells me her hubby has a metal detector and she'll get it and comb the area in the morning. The man for the church we were playing at calls me to tell me he'll have the guy who mow the field tomorrow morning not do the area where I think my ring is. SO now I have to tell Keith, who is at FCC in some history class. I call & tell him. After class he comes home to a sad & upset wife. I was really mad at myself for being a dork & not taking my rings off at home. He gets a flashlight, the kids and me. Where off...We get there @ 10pm, after the last game of the night is over, he heads out. Mind you it's late, windy, cool and starting to rain. Yes, rain in June. I try to be good and help. But after awhile E wakes up. I'm now sitting in the car while the rain goes splat on the windows and splat, splat on the roof tending to E's thirst. I think to myself, this is nuts and the Keith should just take us home. About 15 mins later I notice that he turned the flashlight off and is starting to walk back. Then he changes his mind and continues to look. A few mins later, he's walking toward me. For all his faults, being stubborn turn in to being a good thing for once. The love of my life, father of my children, my best friend, & other mushy stuff taps on the window and I open the door. He asked me to marry him! He found it! A stink'en needle in a hay stack and he found it! Praise God!! On a dark & stormy night, in long grass in a softball field he found our wedding ring! :)

2005-06-14T14:31:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to update things:
E is good.
T is good.
Keith is on a mini vacation. He started 2 class @ FCC this week. He'll start summer school next week. I sometimes feel like I have 3 kids to take care of and it's only Tuesday! T sure like having papa home to play with all day. :)
I'm good. I am currently enjoying a Lime Whole Fruit frozen ice bar....Yummy!

2005-06-06T17:38:00.000-07:00

Busy, busy bee! As Winnie the Pooh would say. That is what we have been up to.
T had a very informal b-day party the 28th. It was great!
Auntie Jen, Feliz, the Prims, Belchers, Grumppa & Gammy were there. (Yes it is grumppa)
On Monday, Auntie Kristin stopped by with StarBucks. It was heavenily. Don't worry, I had a de-caf. Seeing her was GREAT! Wish she would have had more time. Maybe next time.
Later that night went to Pastor & Jan's, had to talk about some stuff. All is better now.
Same ol' same ol the rest of the week.
On Friday, the 3rd, got a call from my lawyer. I am to start back to work tentatively.
It will be weird, but I will leave it in God's hands. He knows what is best for me. He has a plan.
Keith has only 2 more days of school! YAY! Then he's off for a week.
T is doing great. He is growing like a weed. Any day now his head will be the right size for his body. His little melon grows first, then the rest of him. His favorite food right now is shredded wheat. The kids wants it 24-7! Boy, is he regular!! And clean as a whistle! I wish shredded wheat did it for me. Ever since I was prego w/ T, I have not been the same. Not to mention Auntie Hemm & Uncle Rrhoid. I think they are worst then Aunt Flo. Just when you think they're gone......Their not!
But that is a whole other blog. Maybe even a book!
E is good. She too is growing. She does not seem as big as T at that age. She is like him, but littler & a girl.
She is ALL girl. Her smile melts your heart. Her laugh fills you with joy. Babies are just so cool. I have new pics. I should have them after the 8th and I'll send them out.

I was reading about someone being prego & having to pee every 5 minutes. I just would like to add to that, after you have the baby, it is the same and when you sneeze, cough and laugh too hard. After #2 you bladder really does shrink down to the size of a dime. Your body will never be the same.
Funny your bladder shrinks and your boobs grow! Maybe that's where your bladder goes? It just packs it bags and moves north for the duration. Other things change. You mental capacity changes. You loose your keys, lock yourself out, forget deorderant, to eat, and take your vitamin. Things like that. But the exact time your water broke, the second you knew the baby was coming out and panting was not going to stop that kid, and the first time you lay eyes on that baby, you never every forget. Funny how your mind works. It goes from your mind to the mind of a mom in .03 seconds.
It's great the way God designed us women.
Well, that is all I have time for now. Got go!

2 years ago today

2005-05-27T11:03:00.000-07:00

You'll always be my baby.

2 years ago today I laid in a hospital bed waiting for you to be born; I anticipated your arrival.
2 years ago today I wondered to myself, who will you look like, what color eyes will you have, will you like me and will I be a good mother to you?
2 years ago today I held you for the very first time, tears streaming from my eyes and smiling from ear to ear. I was bursting with love.
2 years ago today I became your mom. It was one of the most happiest days of my life. You changed me. You made me who I am, I am so proud to be your mom.

Today I watched you sleep and cried again, remembering the joy and happiness you have brought.
You're my little boy. You'll always be my baby. I will always love you.

Happy Birthday Bubba T.
Mama loves you!!!! :)

Always start & end with a positive

2005-05-25T12:00:00.000-07:00

I am going to start off on a positive note:
Tammy & Ryan: Happy anniversary to you! :)
The sun is shining.
God is Great!
Today is a BEAUTIFUL day! :)
Monday was good, T & E had great days. We played in the pool and T & E took good naps.
E is a big girl. She is now sleeping in the crib. She's fine, I was holding her back in the bassinet, I figured since she still fit she could stay in our room. But alas, I must let her go. She did fine & I only woke up a half a dozen times to check in on her. Silly mama!
Tuesday, K & I have been together for 8 wonderful years.
Boy how things have changed! We have been going to Cattlemens restaurant for 8 years now to celebrate our anniversary. We have not missed one dinner there and always order the same thing. You might think boring, but really it is fun. I look forward to our yearly trip and do enjoy eating lobster tail!!
This year was much different. Really, that is an understatement. This year has changed us and I can not compare this dining experience with any other.
Food was GREAT! (Even though it got cold, my fault)
Service was good. The waiter did his job.
The company was, well, less desirable. Not that I don't love my family, but having 2 kids and trying to eat last night was close to impossible.
All was well until our entrees came. Then the crying choir started. E first, backed up by T. T wanted "Meat mama, meat" while E cried for milk. Silly me, I thought that if I feed everyone before we got there, there would not be a feeding frenzy.
All through out our meal T went back & forth under the table. Yes we told him no, then we would regroup and he would do it anyways. We did not want the wailing of our offspring to scare off any other diners. So, we let him. Also while he was under the table going to the other side we could scramble to eat some food. E was attached most of dinner. That was all I could do to keep her from having a fit. Alas, I told K to eat and I took T & E on my lap and occupied them. When he was done, it was my turn. T & E went for a walk with papa, while I eat in utter silence. At first I must confess it was great, but within a few minutes I missed my people and the chaos that comes with them. The waiter must have checked on my 3 times. When I explained that they went for a little walk while I ate, he told me to enjoy the peace & quite. I did, but I was sad too. After the eating experience, I gave K a card and small token of love (a hand made gift). He opened it and thanked me and ..........Wait for it, are you waiting? Ya, me too.
It was a long ride home.
I think that next year I will beg someone to watch T & E. I do love them, but I think that once in awhile we need to have dinner without the chaos.
As for poo poo, I mean papa. He is so in the dog house.
That is all I want to say about that!

E goes to the DR today, she has a cough, pray that it is nothing serious. It just started this morning.
T is growing so fast. He woke up Tuesday morning and decided to use his words. All the way to bible study that morning, he gave me a play by play of the streets. "House, house, car, tree, house, car, car, tree, tree, house, toot toot, house...." you get the picture. It was a long ride, and I laughed the entire way. You can't help but laugh, it was just too cute.
As T would say at the end of a book: "The End!"

YAY!

2005-05-23T15:00:00.000-07:00

YAY! Thomas is now officially 100% or should I say 150%!! He's back and is making up for the lost time. He is eating everything and playing hard. He is super happy to be able to drink milk again and eat his favorite food: Cheese!
This past weekend was busy:
William P. Celebrated his 1st B-Day on Saturday (officially it's the 30th). Boy, that little guy sure likes cake!
Ezekiel B. Was dedicated on Sunday. It was nice to be there and celebrate with his family. He looks a lot like his daddy.

This week:
Tomorrow Keith & I hit the 8 year mark! :)
E goes to the DR for her 4 month well baby check up. Yep! She's 4 whole months. Time sure flies!
Auntie Jen is coming back to Fresno for the weekend! :)
Auntie Kristin is coming too! ( I don't know any details yet) :)
Friday Thomas is 2!! Such a big boy!
Saturday we are having his party. Everyone is welcome! Our place@ 11am RSVP please. Out-of-state/country friends: sorry airfare is not provided. ;)

Other News:
E has discovered her legs and feet. She now kicks me (often in the face) while eating.
E also started the pouting lip. It's pretty cute and heart breaking at the same time.
It's starting to warm in Fresno!! 92 today.
A little over 2 wks of school left for Keith! :)
Pismo camp is in 1 month! (but who's counting?? Me of course, I look forward to it every year)
God is still too good!
God is Great!!
But I am sure you all know the last two, I just like to remind myself.

Side-Bar
An alumni get together would be awesome! Who wants to plan it? I'll help, but I can't commit to organizing it right now. But, like I said, I'll help. My suggestion is let's keep it low key, in one place, cheap, cool, and fun!

Well, that is all the sharing I can do for now, nap time is almost over!

Busy Busy Busy!

2005-05-19T12:10:00.000-07:00

Jen visited last Friday!! It was great to sit in person and chat. T & E had a wonderful time too. I think T remembers her. That Saturday we went to a Grad party for Monica & T went over to Jen like they were best friends. I was so nice to have adult conversation with a great friend. It had been so long. I also enjoyed the little break when Jen would hold the children.
You can really tell how much love there is in a friendship when after a long time you can just sit & visit like it was just yesterday. And the messy house doesn't bother either of you, too much anyways. It seemed like Jen went a three day cruise, not a year long one. It was so great to see her and talk. Boy, do I miss everyone. And love them too.

Sunday after church T & E were cranky. We rush them home and later that night T throws up! YUCK! Then he seems fine. Then a bit later, a couple hours or so, blaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! In the van and all over the car seat. Poor T :(
Since Sunday Night it has been puke & poop extravaganza in the Short House. Poor baby has lost like 5 pounds. He is still not 100%. Lots of cuddles and love are needed. I know that right now I wish he was better, but soon enough, one day he'll be sick and he won't want to cuddle. Praise God he is getting better. And that no one else (YET) seems to be sick.

I think I have done like 10 loads of laundry this week so far. E is being a trooper through this. It's almost like she understands her big brother does not feel good.
Also E is doing better at night, PRAISE GOD!!! :)

We went for a walk today. It's starting to get warm. I thought it would be nice to get some fresh air and blow the sick off of us. It was nice, but by block 7 everyone was ready to be home. Block 8 was a killer. Everybody was crying and mama started to feel the heat. The funny thing is, we were only gone for like 30 minutes.
Lunch time, & nap time are upon us.

Let's try it again

2005-05-13T10:06:00.000-07:00

So I wrote this great thing and the system was down and I lost it all.
Thing have been okay this week. Not much is happening.
Highlights include:
-E the rolly polley. She's rolling around and around.
-E started on rice cereal this week.
-E put her pacifier in her mouth all by himself.
-T put his toothbrush away without being told.
-Jen is coming to visit this weekend.
-Shane & Leanna are having another BOY!!! Guess they will have to try again for a girl.
-Bunkco tonight with MOPS
Since we are talking about highlights:
Last Friday I went with the MOPS group to watch a movie in Medera Ranchos. The home owner referred to her house as a cell phone black hole. So I called papa to give him the #. The good papa he is, said he didn't need it, but would take it anyways. When I got home, I asked how things went. Not so great. Turns out he wanted to call me, but couldn't because the # was written on a paper that T colored on. I didn't get it, until he showed me. He wrote the # in yellow highlighted and T colored with the same highlighter. T made the # disappear. Pretty funny, well I thought so.
More highlights include:
-All the toothless grins
-All the giggles
-All the fun
-All the love

Not so highlights:
-poop
Everyone poops, but dang!! I feel like all I do is change poopie diapers. I have poop on the brain. I feel like I am always asking T if he went poop poop, or the child care workers, did he go? Or papa, did T poop yet? Or how many times? E, she pooped again! Does she ever stop? Apparently, if you feed them, they will poop.
I wish T would learn to use the litter box or potty. He's a big boy with big boy poop!
Oh, I never thought in a million years that poop would be such a hot topic in my life.
-Rain, okay stop already!
It's the middle of May and it's still raining and next week too?!!!! Where do I live, Seattle?
-Time
It just goes by so fast. T & E grow and change each day. I know that soon I'll look back and miss these days. Papa & Mama are growing older: worrying about grey hair & wrinkles.

Miss E

2005-05-09T11:22:00.001-07:00

I think we know why E is so fussy! Remember how we have tried everything. Well, Oral gel works! This weekend we tried just Oral Gel. She was fine. I think the little Miss is sensitive to her mouth! It's super early for teeth, but all babies are different. She has little bumps and drools. I'll ask the DR when we go at the end of the month. But I really think she is feeling those mean teeth.

Mother's Weekend

2005-05-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

Keith really did a great job this weekend. He made it Mother's Weekend, not just a day. Saturday he picked up the house. Made lunch, went with us to see my father. Let me take a really, much needed nap and then he did dinner for me! Then Sunday, he woke up early and made breakfast. He figured that soon enough T & E will be making it. We concluded that breakfast on special days will soon consist of: Coffee with floaties, crunchy eggs and burnt toast. We will have to smile as we choke it down. T & E will be watching to ensure we like it, because they will have worked on it since the night before.
I also got flowers, cards, an orchid to where to church, a cross that Thomas made in Sunday school and a book , "Why God Made Mother's". Then after church I got to go to the grocery store all by myself. I was there for almost 3 hours!!! It was great! It was much need and very relaxing. Strange how going to the store was relaxing. I could take my time, no one complained, cried, whinnied or said I walk too slow. I ever used a ton of coupons.
For dinner Keith when all out and bought it. We had Sonic, my favorite! It was great! It was a great weekend.
But it didn't end there: this morning, T & E slept in until 9am!!!!! So did I! What a wonderful way to end my Weekend! :)

God has truly blessed me! I have such a wonderful husband who loves me. 2 beautiful and healthy children and great friends to share it with!

Thinking

2005-05-06T11:58:00.000-07:00

I was thinking this morning and thought I would quickly come and share with you:
I think it's pretty cool that we are all strung throughout the U.S and we keep it touch better than most families.
I think that it's pretty cool that we are all in different places in our lives, yet we are closer with each other than with friends in our own cities. (for the most part)
It's cool to be able to share in each others joy as we open new chapters in our lives.
In college I could not image myself having kids, seeing my friends get married, move to another state, take a cruise for a couple years, and see them have babies. Funny how we use tunnel vision.
I also could not image turning 30, but that will be a whole blog unto it's self.

E did better last night. Praise God!

T is all over the place today. I pick it up and turn around and T the hurricane struck again.
He's all boy!

His ability to speak is becoming clearer each day.
New phrase of the week include:
"Oh, crap, crap crap! "(this is my fault & I am working on it)
"Go outside NOW!" (pounding on the door)
"Baby" (pointing to E)
"Mama" (He has said it before, but now he is using it more :)
"No crying, it's okay." (Anytime anyone is crying)
"Night, night baby" (From a book we read to him at night, this morning I woke up to T reading it to me, saying "night night baby"
"potty" (anytime )
"coloring" (He has coloring soap in the bath tub)
"poo poo" (this is not this weeks, but its on going: anytime he hears a noise the sounds like someone passing gas)
He's a little sponge!
Well, TGIF! Sunday is Mother's Day! Happy M-Day to all the mamma's, (that includes mamma's w/babies still in the tummy) & all the mamma's still in training (that includes all women)
It's time for lunch & T is reminding me by sitting at the table waiting for food.
:)

Part 2

2005-05-06T00:12:00.000-07:00

Well, so much for a nap. About the time I fell asleep T woke up, followed shortly by E. Oh, well. Sure was a great 20 minutes of rest.
We so need to find a place to live. I have been waiting for 3 days to use the washer & dryer. The neighbors have been fighting over it all week. Finally tonight it was our turn. 4 people sure make a lot of laundry. I just finished my fifth load. It's done and I don't have to worry about it until Saturday again. :)
E had a not so good night. Nothing was working. Outside, inside, walk, bounce, rock, sway, bump, sing, hush, vacuum, running water, hair dryer, humming, baby music, baby toy noises, Gripe Water, homeopathic Colic medicine, Colic Tablets, Little Tummies, a long worm bath with mama and Bob Marley's Buffalo soldier. Yes Bob!! It has been proved in a scientific study that Buffalo soldier has the same beat as a mothers heart. Actually, Reggae has a beat that is liken to the human heart. Pretty cool. I know a bit of useless information. But you never know when you might be on Jeopardy!

So here I am with E really mad, so I tried everything. She is just not interested. I rubbed oral gel on her bottom gum and that's all she wrote. She was out for a good hour. I am not sure if it was the gel or a combination of all the stuff I tried every 15 minutes. But she finally gave it up. I think. She is stirring in her bed right now. I wonder why? Does she know that we're expecting a big storm? Is she sensing that my hand is driving me nuts? Was it something I ate or drank? I just don't know.

I have been worried,( I worry about just about everything) but someone at bible study said something about that worrying is an insult to God. When someone worries, that are essentially telling God, that He is not in control and basically one does not trust that God has a plan for your life. Let me just say that this is not new information to me, but the lady who said it, said it in such away that I had a Uh, Ha moment. It seems that I often need these reminders. God is so good about placing people with the right words in my life. So, I can totally relate to what Jerelyn was saying in her Blog. God totally knows what He's doing. I just need to stop trying to help Him, He just does not need my help!!!
Now that it is in print, I can come back to read it and remind myself of it.

E is up and smiling! It's the middle of the night, all the other babies in the world are sleeping. She does not seem to care. Her smile just light up the room. I think she just exploded!!! Maybe she does have gas... Poor baby.
Bye for now, God is Blessing you and doesn't need our help today.

Why it is?

2005-05-04T13:43:00.000-07:00

It's nap time here and like usual, T finally fell asleep and E is WIDE awake!!!
Why???
I try to get them to nap at the same time but E is sooooo "anti-do what mama would like her to do girl". As I type she is staring at me with that"pick me up mama look, aren't I so cute baby face" look about her. And you guessed it, I gave in. Boy she is getting even stronger! She's holding herself with a lot better control. I think she woke up this morning and said to herself: "self, get control of that head and the rest will follow. Soon I'll be in control of the whole wide world, 'cause I am baby girl, hear me roar!" Really, I think she is going to keep us busy. Where as T is a handful, don't get me wrong, but so easy going. Funny because they both came from the same 2 people and place, yet so opposite. God has such a sense of humor.
Well, last night went smooth. E had a little fit and then was out for the night.

T did his first summer-salt by himself today: Right off the side of my bed. He's okay, nothing a big hug and bunch of kisses couldn't cure. I still can't believe that he'll be 2 soon!

I'm getting good are this one-handed thing. But it's itching pretty good. Oh, how I want to scratch it!
I have a funny story from yesterday...Want to hear it?
No, too bad I'll tell you anyway:
Yesterday when T woke up from his nap he was whinnying. I could not get him to stop. He was hiding under the chair in our room by the computer. I had E on the bed and was changing her. She burped a sailor burp and T laughed and came out of hiding. Then he starts to make a burping sound and laughing. He' s cracking himself up and E is laughing at T and I am laughing at both of them. Then E toots (passes gas). This too is that of a sailor. T is just beside himself. He thinks that bodily functions are just the funniest thing. He is all boy, just like his papa. Goes to show you that God wires boys different from girls. The End ( a story only a Mother can love).
E is a sleep!! No, she's awake. Never mind. All girl, can't make up her mind. Just like her mama.
I think that she is growing so fast. Some of her clothes are getting too small. Seems like just yesterday she came into the world.
Wow, time does fly. My mom told me that the older you get, the faster time goes by. She' s right. In July I will be out of my twenties! Well, I could say that I am twenty ten like Drew Barrymore says in that movie trailer. Then I could be in my twenties until I reach twenty twenty. Okay, maybe I am the only one laughing at that, but that's okay, it's my therapy session. :P
Keith is busy at work with testing this week. It has been pretty draining for him. Pray for him and his energy level or lack there of.
E is asleep again. For real this time. Nap time for mama. night night!

Doing it with one hand tied behind my back!

2005-05-03T17:18:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like that? Everything you do or try to do seems harder than it should be, like you have one hand tied behind your back!
For me it has literally been like that.
Let me start by updating you from my last blog.
April 28:
I honestly can't remember what was going on that morning, I have been racking my brain all day. But I do know what happened at about 130pm. I dropped Thomas off at my friends so I could go to a Dr's appointment.
Simple enough, see the Dr about a cyst on my hand that has been bothering me and have him cut it off. I took Miss E with me because she was not in the best of moods. She cried the entire way to the Dr office and most of the time we were there. The receptionist was compassionate and took her while I had the removal procedure done. I was able to have a local because it was going to hurt, but he said that I would have to express my next feeding and throw it out just in case. Once the procedure begins, he tells me he has to make a bigger incision because of the cysts shape. Nothing is ever simple. I walk out with one less cyst and 5 stitches. Still numb, feeling okay. Oh and the best part, really, no dishes or bathes for 2 weeks, or until the stitches dissolve. :) Not too bad. Keith was/is okay with it.
That afternoon, 4ish my Mom arrives. Emily had a rough early evening and Keith had a back to school night until 8pm. We had Taco Bell for dinner. I only mention this because I did not feel all that great after eating it. I should have known better. Every time I eat there I get a icky tummy.
April 29
Keith is off to work and Grandma is home with me and T & E. We fixed T & E's room even more. It looks better and the toys were organized. (Past tense because Thomas is almost 2). Need I say any more? If so, think of a hurricane and name it Thomas. 'nuf said.
That night Keith & I went out to a Grizzley (can't spell) baseball game. He got free tickets from some book company. It included snacks, dinner, beverages, both adult & Rated G beverages. It was great! We were right up the middle in center field, under the score board. Great seats. Great food and good times. Oh, did I mention no children. It was nice to be among the living and be just Keith & Mandy. It has been so long since we have been out, just the two of us, I can not even remember the last time.
April 30
Saturday morning. Did not do much. Hung out and Grandma left. That evening Keith & I had a "melt down" but now all is well. Oh, I finally read my email! "FW:Virtual candle passing" I deleted it because is was so big!! Sorry. But I went back and down loaded it and found out (better late than never) Alisha is getting married!!!!! :)
May 1
Sunday! I can not believe it's May already! Where did April go!?! Went to Sunday School & Church. Things are back to normal, whatever that is. Took a nap & went to the store for milk. Look out! It's getting exciting!!
May 2
Went to MOPS. Great speaker & topic. It was a grief and the loss of a child. Really hard to listen to, but I am glad I did. I learned a whole lot. I was a hot dog dinner day.
May 3
That's today! Went to bible study, the last one until Sept 8. I'll miss those ladies this summer. Kids took nap, mom picked up. I thought about how Thomas is going to be 2! May 27th, my little guy will be 2! And thought about how the 7 year itch is almost over, May 24th will be year 8 for us! Some times it feels like yesterday, and others it feels like eternity.
Went for a walk. Played outside. And updated you! Now I am off to pick up again and start dinner.
I hope you all are well. God is Great! He is good & His love for us is ever lasting. Isn't cool!?!

What's happening now??

2005-04-27T10:15:00.000-07:00

Our weekend was okay. Got a lot of house cleaning and organizing done.
Church was good. Our Pastor has been on fire lately. Not to say he was not before, he has just been hitting home lately.
Monday was not so good for me. Not sure what is wrong, maybe it's the cold I am getting? I felt so out of control of everything. Emily must of been able to feel it too. It seemed like she cried all day. Thomas was out of sorts too. Keith came home late and did not call me to let me know. I pretty much lost it. Emily was crying, I was crying and poor Thomas was saying, "no crying, it's okay" over and over. Looking back I know what happened. I did not talk to God. I tried to handle it by myself. It was overwhelming.
Sometimes I wonder if it's the devil using postpartum to get at me?
With Thomas it did not hit me until I stopped nursing him, but with Miss Emmy, I have felt weird, not myself and well, pretty much incompetent.
Tuesday was a little better. We were late to Bible study, Thomas was still not himself, wonder if he's getting to cold too? He did not want to go. But once we were there, he was okay. I went to the Dr. To see if there might be something physically wrong with little Miss. Monday night was LONG!! I could not make her happy to save my life. I felt so bad, like a failure. I felt like I was not fit to be her Mom and I wanted to give up on everything. The anger was so overwhelming, I thought I was going to explode! Keith is such a wonderful man. I don't know why God blessed me with him. Even though he had to be up early, he took over with Emily and he did a WONDERFUL job. How?? Because he is a WONDERFUL Papa. Well, back to the Dr. He told me she is fine. There is nothing wrong with her. She is growing fine, 12lbs & 7oz, little chunk. Her little body is healthy. He thinks she is just SUPER sensitive. And not colicky. Maybe it's my fault, because I had a bad day Monday and she picked up on it and that was what was wrong? Dr. Said that colic goes away after 2 months. I don't know. He suggested we give her a bath early and put her down to bed earlier. So last night we gave it a shot. I felt bad at first because she just laid in her bassinet, staring. Soon after she slept, but not sound. Every time the pacifier fell out, she woke up crying. By 10pm I felt like my face was going to explode from my cold. I fell asleep and Super Papa took over. He said he held her and rocked her and put her in the crib. She woke up this morning at her regular time and all was well. Maybe I should put her in her crib at night. I know she'll be fine, but I am not sure if I am ready to let my baby grow up. I know she's only 3 months, but I miss having my babies inside me and with me at all times. I felt that I could be better and protect them when they are inside. I think it's a control thing.
As for my job. It's a long and complicated story if you don't know. Maybe one day I'll write a book. For now I am still waiting for them to reinstate me. I spoke with my Lawyer this morning. He's waiting for the information. He did not want to answer my question until he has all the detail from them.
I have been having nightmares that they change their minds about giving me back my job. I know God is in control. I know He knows what He's doing and He doesn't need my help. I feel like I am in limbo. Keith tells me not to worry. But I do. God provides for our needs every month. He works miracles in our check book. But I still have a hard time letting go. I have always been a worrier. I always worry about the future. It's my biggest down fall.
Well, I feel better after talking, well, writing it all out. It's almost like talking to your friends on the phone without the big long distance charges!
Have a Blessed Day!

Oh my!! TGIF?

2005-04-22T17:21:00.000-07:00

Some people have no respect!
Keith called me this morning @ 7 am.
He tells me to call the police, someone broke into our car.
This person took all the CD's in the car, okay...Makes sense. Break into a car..Steal CD's.
That was all that has a resale value.
But this poo poo head took T & E Diaper bag. I had just re-stocked it with diapers, wipes, baby products, sippy cup, bottle and Thomas snacks.
To me that is low. What on earth is this person going to do with T & E's Diaper Bag?? Put the 40 CD's they just stole????
The guy is a real genius..They missed 4 other new CD's in the door and Thankfully they didn't take the car seats.
It just really irritates me.
However, today was a good day. We had a play date with a lady from bible study & MOPS. She is a neat lady.
I think she'll teach me a lot and I think that God sent her to me just at the right time.
Thomas had a blast! He got to play with other kids and outside in the dirt. He even brought some dirt home with him.(Okay the dirt was in his hair & ears, but he's a little boy, All boy.)
Last night poor Emily was crying until 2 am. She was REALLY mad!! Poor baby. Poor Mama & poor Papa. We took turns with her. Papa is now back on Mama's good side with all the help he gave me last night. I thought I was going to loose my mind. I was ready to auction her on eBay!
Not really. But when she throws her fits it breaks your heart.
I looked online to see if their was anything else we could do, there was this CD for like 20 buck, guarantees to help colicky babies to fall asleep in 5 -10 minutes. So I down load the sample, played it 10 times. Let just say all I wanted to buy was more Tylenol and not that weird CD.
Well, I praise God that all I lost were CD's and no one was hurt.

Wild Wednesday

2005-04-20T23:24:00.000-07:00

I think this Blog thing is going to be very therapeutic.
It's funny how, when I get really mad, I clean. Last night Keith was a poop poop head and I was super mad with him. So this morning I was on a mission. I took all the stuff from T & E's room that was not theirs, their papa's and boxed it up. I rearranged the entire room. Vacuumed and dusted.
I am so going to feel it in the morning!!
Thomas was very excited to see his new room. But not so happy about Emily sleeping in his old crib. He did the same thing when Emily first rode in the stroller.
It's funny how he wants something that he has not used in so long. But what is even funnier is that I explain it and redirect him and his little fit is over and he's fine.
Today Emily rolled from her back to her side. Almost to her tummy. She's a rolly pollie baby!!! :)
Oh, Oprah today!!! Good, but what does she know about raising children? I liked the discussion, but I wonder how you can comment on something you have no experience in or degree in????? Also those people NEED JESUS!!!
Emily did not do so bad tonight. Maybe Sunday is the day! :)
Thomas was a little scared to sleep in his room. I moved his bed to the other side. He'll get used to it I am sure. Funny how a little thing like that made it like he was not in his own room.
Oh, I love my husband!! However:
Men really are a separate species from women!
That is all I will say about that!

My week so far

2005-04-19T23:34:00.000-07:00

I would like it say that is has been one of those days. But every day is one of those days.
First I get up 7 ish. Keith (Papa) brings in a cup of milk for Bubba T (Thomas). I then feed Emily and then shortly I am joined, if he has not already climbed into bed with me some time in the middle of the night by Bubba T. So every body is having their morning milk. Then I turn on the TV, Noggin and GMA, switching back and forth.
Meanwhile it is time to change everyone's diapers. Papa kisses everyone bye for the day.
I love my life & my children. So don't take this the wrong way, but let me say that I hate to be touched. Thomas on the other hand loves to touch me. Ever since he was a tiny little baby. He always rubbed his little hand on me. When he drinks milk, juice, water , or any liquid at all, he must touch me and rub me. Mostly the arm. When he is tired his hand moves into my shirt sleeve and some how into my armpit or the most sensitive (and fat) part of my arm and then he pinches me. He doesn't know that it hurts, it's just his "comfort" thing.
So in the morning, all with bed head, picture me, nursing Emily and Thomas at my side drinking milk and rubbing me.
Now that I have explained the rubbing thing. I'll finish my day.
After milk & diaper duty every one gets dressed. Emily goes back to sleep. I make breakfast for Thomas, and I run and jump, quick like a bunny, into the shower. By the time I am done, Thomas has checked on me twice and is waiting for his tooth brush. We brush together.
By 9 am on every other Monday and every Tuesday we are out the door. Monday is MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers)
Tuesday is CBS (Community Bible Study) We are studying the book of Luke.
Thomas loves to play with all his little friends.
By 11:30 were all back on the car, by the first light Thomas is asleep. Emily is usually crying. She does not like to travel, totally opposite from her brother.
At home I put Thomas in his big boy bed for his nap.
Then feed Emily.
Then myself.
finally at about 1pm Emily falls asleep.
By 1:30, sometimes 2 pm Thomas wakes up. That gives me a 1/2 to 1 hour window to read email, go to the bathroom by myself, do dishes, pay bills, get a glass of water, look for what I lost that morning and breath.
Thomas gets to watch one movie after nap time. Veggie Tales, The Wiggles, Baby Praise or Baby Einstein. He also gets to eat a snack with his movie.
By the time the movie is over, Emily is awake and on a good day we go out back to play.
By 3:30 we are back in the house to start dinner. Yes I know that it's early, but we like to eat by 6. And yes it does take me that long to make dinner. With a million interruptions, it takes almost an hour to boil water, that is on a good day.
I listen to Oprah while doing my stuff. Poor Thomas is going to think that Oprah is apart of our family. He sees her everyday.
By 5:30 Everyone is hungry and crying. I start to feed Emily and count down until Papa comes home. He is usually home by 6. We eat, Emily willing, me too.
6:30 to 7pm is when the fun begins. Colic!
Oh, that is just gas, you might be thinking, well, let me tell you, if it is my poor baby should have exploded weeks ago.
She starts to cry, scream, turn red in the face, the tears run, the back arches, the fists clench and she pushes you away from her. Then her little voice starts to horse as she cries. My heart breaks. I have and still continue to try Gripe Water, Colic Tablets, all the clamming teas in Whole Foods, Tylenol, Beer (I drank it, not her) I cut out all caffeine, dairy and gassy veggies. Yet she cries EVERY night at the same time.
Keith & I take shifts. Singing, bouncing, walking , rocking, talking and swaying to calm her. Meantime, one of us gets Thomas in the bath. Once he is in the tub we put Emily in her little tub. She really likes her warm bath. She's quiet. :)
It lasts about 10 minutes. Then she is ready to get out. It's about 8-8:30 by now and my head is pounding.
Keith & I take turns and we read a couple books each with Thomas, and say prayers and he goes to bed in the big boy bed. (Remember when he was just a tiny little guy, he's growing up so fast.)
Keith gets Emily duty while I take a nice hot & long shower. After Emily eats and then between 10 and 11 pm she stops and goes to sleep until 7 ish the next morning.
So that was the last two days. Hope you are looking forward to the other five!! I know I am. This Colic is supposed to stop at 3 or 4 months. So I am counting down the days. She's 11 weeks now by Sunday she'll be 12 wks and maybe she'll stop, and if not only 4 more to go! :-)
If you know of any thing that I have not tried, I am open to suggestions.

Okay!

2005-04-19T13:48:00.000-07:00

I guess if everyone else is doing it, I'll give it a try.
I don't have a bunch of time lately. Having 2 kids is a lot more work than I thought it would be. Thomas was and still is so easy, but he's a boy. I should have known that Keith was right, girls are complicated. Like mother, like daughter! But Emily really is a joy.
I truly am blessed. I have 2 beautiful children and a loving husband. God is good, and I don't deserve it.

Funny how things are. I'll have to fill you all in later. Nap time is over.