What's happening now??

Our weekend was okay. Got a lot of house cleaning and organizing done.
Church was good. Our Pastor has been on fire lately. Not to say he was not before, he has just been hitting home lately.
Monday was not so good for me. Not sure what is wrong, maybe it's the cold I am getting? I felt so out of control of everything. Emily must of been able to feel it too. It seemed like she cried all day. Thomas was out of sorts too. Keith came home late and did not call me to let me know. I pretty much lost it. Emily was crying, I was crying and poor Thomas was saying, "no crying, it's okay" over and over. Looking back I know what happened. I did not talk to God. I tried to handle it by myself. It was overwhelming.
Sometimes I wonder if it's the devil using postpartum to get at me?
With Thomas it did not hit me until I stopped nursing him, but with Miss Emmy, I have felt weird, not myself and well, pretty much incompetent.
Tuesday was a little better. We were late to Bible study, Thomas was still not himself, wonder if he's getting to cold too? He did not want to go. But once we were there, he was okay. I went to the Dr. To see if there might be something physically wrong with little Miss. Monday night was LONG!! I could not make her happy to save my life. I felt so bad, like a failure. I felt like I was not fit to be her Mom and I wanted to give up on everything. The anger was so overwhelming, I thought I was going to explode! Keith is such a wonderful man. I don't know why God blessed me with him. Even though he had to be up early, he took over with Emily and he did a WONDERFUL job. How?? Because he is a WONDERFUL Papa. Well, back to the Dr. He told me she is fine. There is nothing wrong with her. She is growing fine, 12lbs & 7oz, little chunk. Her little body is healthy. He thinks she is just SUPER sensitive. And not colicky. Maybe it's my fault, because I had a bad day Monday and she picked up on it and that was what was wrong? Dr. Said that colic goes away after 2 months. I don't know. He suggested we give her a bath early and put her down to bed earlier. So last night we gave it a shot. I felt bad at first because she just laid in her bassinet, staring. Soon after she slept, but not sound. Every time the pacifier fell out, she woke up crying. By 10pm I felt like my face was going to explode from my cold. I fell asleep and Super Papa took over. He said he held her and rocked her and put her in the crib. She woke up this morning at her regular time and all was well. Maybe I should put her in her crib at night. I know she'll be fine, but I am not sure if I am ready to let my baby grow up. I know she's only 3 months, but I miss having my babies inside me and with me at all times. I felt that I could be better and protect them when they are inside. I think it's a control thing.
As for my job. It's a long and complicated story if you don't know. Maybe one day I'll write a book. For now I am still waiting for them to reinstate me. I spoke with my Lawyer this morning. He's waiting for the information. He did not want to answer my question until he has all the detail from them.
I have been having nightmares that they change their minds about giving me back my job. I know God is in control. I know He knows what He's doing and He doesn't need my help. I feel like I am in limbo. Keith tells me not to worry. But I do. God provides for our needs every month. He works miracles in our check book. But I still have a hard time letting go. I have always been a worrier. I always worry about the future. It's my biggest down fall.
Well, I feel better after talking, well, writing it all out. It's almost like talking to your friends on the phone without the big long distance charges!
Have a Blessed Day!