Half way through the year already!

I can believe how time goes by fast. We are already in June. T is done with Pre-School for the year. He was pretty broke up about school being over. So we are counting down for it to start again. E is getting so girlie. I have no idea where she gets it. It's like she is hard wired for pink and girl stuff. However, she knows how to make truck noises with the best of them. H is still the perfect baby. She makes it so easy. She still sleeps through the night and is still lazy. She likes the baby thing. Makes me think about another, why not, I have 3, whats one more!!LOL!!
Keith is done with school today. He's still looking for next school year. He has summer school to tie him over for now.
Kevin finished the 8th grade today. He has a plan for high school-work hard and get it done fast! Good plan. We got him a Fossil watch for a gift. Thought it would be a good start for high school.
I am good. Work, well, I am here now. Bord to death in AUR. I often doze off. Maybe I should see a DR? I read a book this weekend, the first in a long time. The Road. I cried the last two pages. This is pretty good. I also am reading Dancing in the Arms of God.
I am going to confess, so please...confidence, as much as posting it on a blog will get me. Anyways, I am struggle with thing. 1-I know God has the perfect job for Keith. I know He will provide. I KNOW! But I often doubt and play the 'what if' game. I guess I am scared that if I trust Him completely, I'll be let down. I struggle with this and I am having a hard time over coming it. 2-I am struggling with my self-image. How I see myself, how Keith & the kids see me, how the world see me. Since getting pregnant the first time I have gained about 75 pounds. From October of 2002, my lowest weight since like 8th grade to now. I think it happen mostly at work, I can't seem to keep things (food) out of my mouth and gum doesn't seem to work. 3-I am feeling disconnected from my church family. We just don't seem to be a family any more. It's like we are too consumed with life. I know we need the support and interaction with them. I know they do too, you can see it on their faces. That tired look parents get from not getting a break from parenting. 4-I am struggling with my closeness. I often feel so far from God. I find myself doing the arrow prayer thing, you know, shooting up prayers throughout the day. I just don't feel like our life is reflecting His love to the world. What have I done to serve Him lately? Have I showed His love today?? That kind of stuff. I feel distant. 5-I miss my husband! I can't even tell you the last time he held me. Or the last time we just laid in bed and talked about stuff. Or ever the last time we just talked about us, not the kids or cars or money, but us. Who we are, who Keith is and who Mandy is. It is almost like we take each other for granted. After 10 years we hardly have time for us. I hope that it can only get better. I miss him, I miss his touch. At this rate a #4 is impossible. 6-Finally, my family. I think it is official. I am he only sane one left. Good for me. I think.
It is late and I have to go home now. Take care!