May 23, 2006

Carole Ann Marguerite RIP May 16, 2006
Keith's mother died Tuesday morning at approximately 230 am. She left behind 7 children, 18 grandchildren, & 6 great grandchildren.
I am sad to see me husband loose his only living parent. I am sad to see the boys loose their grandmother.
Keith feels both sorrow and relief.
Kevin "I am over my Grandmother's death, she was old." My heart aches for his inability to feel.
Walter " okay, can I go to school now." Again my heart aches that this child as no attachment to anyone.
T & E will never know her.
I have a restraining order out on a dead woman. I don't feel for her, just those whom she messed up and left to clean up the pieces for years to come.
I am not mean and cold.
I wonder if she saw the Love of Christ in our lives? Or did she not?
I never disrespected her. I just did what I could to get by. I had to protect the boys and T & E from being hurt even more.



On a lighter note:

T will be 3 on Saturday!!!
He is potty trained. Well, almost. He wears cute little boxer briefs. And most of the time he makes it.
E is getting big. She is the little squirt.
Walter is himself.
Kevin is in baseball and is doing his best to be the best kid he knows he can be. I am so proud of him.
Keith is closing out he school year. Looking & interviewing for a job for next year. PTL he is teaching summer school.
Work in winding down maybe a week or 2 then I go back to AUR.
Pismo Church camp is coming up in June. I am looking forward to going and watching all the kiddos play at the beach. It will be the boys first time camping.

I am doing better. I have let go and let God take over the things in my live in which I crave to control. I have submitted to the fact that nothing I could of done would change the out come of life's unfortunate situations. It still sucks. But I have to remind myself daily that I only see a pin hole of His plan for my life. I struggle will letting my life being run by someone else. But like everything else, I'll get over it and just let it happen.
There are days when I am on the pitty pot, but as long as I remember to flush, I am okay. Wednesdays are still hard days of the week for me. As the days pass, each Wednesday gets a little easier. Maybe we'll try again some day. But I don't and can't control those things. I have to submit myself to that truth.

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own" Matt 6:34