it's been 6 months!

Life sure keeps me busy. It has been 6 months since I last did any blogging. Maybe cause I think it does not matter, or I really don't want to sound like a whiner. What ever the case-the kiddos are growing. T is finishing up Pre-K and can't wait for Kindergarten. He really likes school and loves playing with his friend. He is excited for Sept. because he is going to be a big brother again. He tells every one-every where we go "we're going to have a new baby, it's a boy!" Well, T the baby part is true, but the little brother part is yet to be known. I hope he does not get too disappointed if it's a girl. I am planning to take him to my next few appointments, May 17 & 22. Maybe we'll know something at the 22nd....
E is 3 and is a big girl. She is a lot like her Papa. She wants to go to school, but I think we'll wait until she is 4. She is getting tall and thin. Still walks on the tippy toes! H is 1 year and 4 months. She tries to hang out and do what everyone else is doing. She my little ball of love.
We did the Angel Baby walk this past Saturday. I think I cried for the first mile. And it took the second mile to pull myself together. This walk is a fundraiser for Hinds Hospice-the Angel Baby is the babies who pasted away.....they have a web site. It's a good thing. Well, I walked it first-last year for the babies I lost in March 2006. It was not so bad-as I held Hannah the whole time and she was 3 months old. This time I walked with Keith, as T & E could walk themselves and H was pushed by Grandma. It was hard because I have an Angel Baby inside me......In Feb. we saw 2 heart beats. By the end of March only one heart was beating and the other was lifeless inside me. We had been going every week and every week we saw the baby moving and kicking and the other just there. It sucks. It is hard and it makes every appointment a dreaded task. We are now at the point when we going monthly. May is my first monthly appointment. I pray there will be no more disappointment. My heart has broken twice....I don't think I can do it again. I know that I am blessed with 3 wonderful kids and loving husband, however, something inside you just aches all the time and it never really goes away.
It hard to talk about it and harder to talk to people who are going to have twins about the same time I am due. But I did tell her. Not to bring the mood down, but just as an update, as she is the only one I did not tell. Not like we are close or ever have been. But I just felt the need.
May I suggest that when someone has a heart break, speaking for myself, don't tell me that God has a plan. I already know this. I am not being rude, but honest. I know He has a plan....just say that sucks and that you'll keep us in your prayers.
Maybe I am being a jerk, but having gone through it twice now, I have learn people can say some pretty dumb things. Sometime just a hug is enough and words are not a must.
Now that I have vented, I feel a little better. I am happy for others, really I am. I just have to grieve in my own way and it is my right to take as long as I need. No one can tell me when I could/should feel better. Enough said!
Work is busy. Thanks Bush and the stimulus plan.
Keith is again out of work come the next school year. It is better, Kerman sucks and it is a far drive. With gas prices and what we pay a sitter, I am should he will find something closer. He has too. God WILL PROVIDE!
Other than that, my house is a mess, like always. WE are getting thing together for T's 5 birthday party on the 26th. Seems like we are always on the go. One weekend I want to stay in my jammies all day Saturday and put them back on after church on Sunday. I can dream, can't I??