Same ole same ole
Can't seem to get out of this funk. I thought by now I could. Some days are better then others. I don't understand why I can't feel better. Why can't I just snap out of it? I'm tired. I mad. I'm sad. I'm bitter. What is it? I just want it to all be over.
I'm done.
God,
I don't feel like you have heard me for a while now. So this is how it's going to be. Fine. I quit. I am done. I don't know what else to do. I call out to you for comfort and I get nothing. I call out to you in pain and nothing. I call out to you to feel love and nothing. I see your work all around me, but I don't see them in my heart. My heart is empty and I just can't any more. So this is it. Fine. When ever you are ready, I am sure you'll find me. But don't expect much. I don't have much left.
posted by Mandy at 2:04 PM
6 Comments:
Well I think it's time to be agnostic. Just kidding. Remember the footprints poem. It feels like crap when your walking through it but he is there even if you don't think he is. It's soooo hard to remind myself of that. I stopped going to church again, only because I started to feel like 'church people' were being too fake. I know it's me that has the problem. With all the negative things that happen in this world in the name of God, or forgiveness it really does get under my skin. Depression is a hard think to live through, and I trust you will get better just give it time. I only wish we all had a quick fix for our problems.
With love,
Snoopy
April 26, 2006 9:49 PM
Well I think it's time to be agnostic. Just kidding. Remember the footprints poem. It feels like crap when your walking through it but he is there even if you don't think he is. It's soooo hard to remind myself of that. I stopped going to church again, only because I started to feel like 'church people' were being too fake. I know it's me that has the problem. With all the negative things that happen in this world in the name of God, or forgiveness it really does get under my skin. Depression is a hard think to live through, and I trust you will get better just give it time. I only wish we all had a quick fix for our problems.
With love,
Snoopy
April 26, 2006 9:50 PM
mandy,
i think what you are going through is absolutely normal. you have lost something very dear to you - it is your very heart for goodness sake! you are grieving. you are allowed to do that. there is no set way to grieve. so let yourself just be, whatever that entails. there is no right or wrong. if it means you are totally pissed off with god - then that is fine. he is not fragile, he can take it. at least you are allowing yourself to be honest and raw with him. i know this is such a crap situation to go through and it sucks. let' face it, life wasn't created by god to be this way. and that bites, doesn't it? my heart is in pain along with yours. i am praying for you. call me, even if you just want to yell and cry and scream. (you deserve to yell and cry and scream, btw!!)
ashley
April 27, 2006 7:50 AM
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us". ~Romans 5:1-5
I'm praying for you, Mandy
April 29, 2006 10:14 AM
Okay, I'm sitting here at my desk with tears in my eyes. Mandy, we don't know your pain but we understand it hurts. And anger at God is okay. But let's not forget who first loved you. The one who has removed your sins as far as the East from the West. Who has already blessed you with amazing children in your life. Have you sat quiet before the Lord? Have you thought of reasons why he is giving you this pain? I see it as an opportunity for growth. Seriously, is God preparing your heart to serve Him in a new way - to come into contact with another person who's been in your shoes? I know it sucks, I know, I know. And my heart aches that you are deciding to quit trying. Keep on keeping on. Really hold close the verse that Kristin shared. God is good, Mandy, and He is good ALL the time!
May 01, 2006 7:49 AM
Mandy...I missed you at the Cru event! Keith said you had to work...
I second everything that's been said above, pretty much. If you need to talk (I know it's been a while)...I'm here!
May 01, 2006 11:54 AM
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